I knew it would happen someday but I just kept thinking, "not in my house, not with my kid." Then it did. It didn't even start off slowly it was just a one day turn around and now there seems to be no going back.Nap time. It used to be a blissful, though short feeling for me, two sometimes three hours. Then H and I had the bright idea to set up her toddler bed. Which by the way it is so not cool to go all judgy on Moms who do things at a different time than you. They do know their own kid after all and if that kid (T.D.) seems ready for a bed DO NOT preach about how "that is why she isn't napping...". It started at Nana's and continued here, it's not the toddler bed. Eesh! Anyway, we got her all excited about a 'big girl' bed and took down the front rail of the her crib. Now it's a nice … [Read more...]
A Mother’s Worst Fear
The realness and rawness of my dream last night was beyond belief. I had to be woken up by H. My sobbing woke him. I couldn't stop even after I was awake and I had to go check on T.D. Being a mother is a lot of things but it is those dreams that we have that seem so horrific and real that really let you see the bigger picture. The depth of the love you have for your child that we sometimes get separated from in the every day mires of our lives. After of changing countless diapers, potty training, cleaning cheerio bits out of the car, finding crayon on windows, and telling your kid a rice cake is a cookie just to get them to eat it, you forget about the deep rawness that is the love you have for your child. I think my subconscious was reeling me back in last night. I dreamt that T.D. was … [Read more...]
On the Side of Dexter
If you haven't watched Showtime's show Dexter then you have no idea what you are missing. I will preface it this, at a party recently when the topic of new fall shows came up someone said, "Ooh! I have a great show! Do you mind blood?" The conversation went from there. You have to not mind oceans of blood with Dexter. Five bodies worth. Dexter is also a Sociopath and this is how I side with him. I have mentioned a few times before on this here blog that I am not a touchy feeling person. I can't say this enough. I don't fawn over things, I don't hug much, and in high school I was called an Ice Princess on way more occassions than I can count. Apparently I have been this way since birth. I've always struggled out of hugs, given the slightest kiss, and really just not remembered to … [Read more...]
Reduce the Crazy- Project Life Change
So there I was reading all about Project Life Change from some great bloggers and I thought, well what a swell idea but I've already done that. Remember? I quit my job back in January to stay home with T.D. and pursue my writing. A life long dream. What could be better than that?Except for one thing. It's called balance. Coupled with my inability to say no to a writing gig or almost anything else and I am swamped! Swamped with writing for free half the time too. Sure I get loads of free products and that's great! My friends think I'm the luckiest person for all that stuff that arrives daily at my front door. Except that they don't have to review it. I get bogged down in the boxes and using things and keeping such a tight schedule. I have stopped enjoying it. I want to do different things … [Read more...]
The Dash Two Factor
What is it about a kid free weekend that makes you wonder and discuss the idea of having another child? That topic came up more than once for H and I this sans T.D. weekend. For me, it surrounded me and clouded my thoughts, making me jump from one opinion to the next never able to land on a definite decision. When it comes to the idea of having another child many thoughts crowd my brain. They plague me and doubt looms large. Can we afford another child? How are we going to have room for another one? Can I stand the body upheaval again and the sickness I might have all the while caring for T.D. and not lose my ever-lovin' mind? I'm not so sure. I am an only child. I see nothing wrong with only children despite H's jokes of, "only children are weird..." I would love to give T.D. a sibling … [Read more...]
Not a Myth, and Not Quite a Reality Yet
Is the grass really greener on the other side of the pond?I wish that in the mires of my office, in the hours I spent toiling at my desk in corporate America I had come across this article. It would have given me a bit more perspective. A whole look at how we American’s cannot use the pat answer (and yes, I’m guilty of it too) that the Europeans have it all figured out. They don’t either. So Ms. American ladies, while you are perhaps feeling a bit guilty about being at work or that maybe your company is a tad unfair consider this article and know that in some ways American women do have it better.“Only one in five Europeans works some sort of flexible schedule, as compared with almost 30 percent in the United States. And because European companies have traditionally invested less in … [Read more...]
Goodbye’s
Some people say they don't "do" goodbye's. I have never been one to use that pat phrase. I do them alright I just don't show much emotion while it's happening. When H left for Iraq I didn't even cry. I just hugged him and we said, "OK, see you sometime..." and I went home. That's it. The fact that I lived on some weird plane of non-emotion for the entire time is a whole other post.Some might say that is cold of me. How can I render so much emotion for tragic ship sinking's and events that have nothing to do with me, but yet I can mourn and grieve them like nobodies business? I don't really get it either, except to say it's just way too personal for me and must be done alone.Tonight, I said goodbye to a friend that a year ago I didn't even know. Tears were shed by all the women on my block … [Read more...]
Scary Even to Me
Sometimes life just gets to be too much. No amount of wine or cigarettes (I wish!) will do. A nap, a good book, or a time out just isn't sufficient. Pedicure? Yeah right.What you need is a good crying jag. Or a meltdown of such epic proportions that has built up for so long that you scare even yourself back into normalcy. Your kid? Well, I feel I have scarred mine for life now and spent a good half hour apologizing to a child who just looked up at me with huge eyes. How did this happen?1. Lack of sleep. Sleep has been positively elusive to me the last few days and now weeks. Each day it gets worse. (Do NOT suggest Tylenol PM or some natural remedy for sleep the do NOT work on this woman) That does not make for a totally sane Mommy. 2. Ongoing and unfinished house projects. Debris in … [Read more...]
The Aftermath-Back to Reality
Mother's Day was bliss. T.D. awoke at 6 a.m. but I just grabbed my sleepmask and snuggled deeper into the blankets. When I awoke hours later it was to a fresh, hot latte, flowers, new books, and eggs benedict. I read the entire Sunday Post. It was pure heaven. The whole day was like this. Not cleaning, no cooking, reading and relaxing with family and friends. It was heaven. As we settled in to watch an image searing movie, T.D. tucked into bed, I thank H for such a perfect day. It really was.12:07 a.m.- Reality check- T.D. wakes up crying. No screaming. Shreiks to wake Ramses the Dead. I stumble into her room and place her back down with her blanket.Silence. I have been asleep maybe 45 minutes as that aforementioned image searing film has plagued my thoughts all night causing … [Read more...]
Party Over Here, Party Over There
HEY! Do you know what today is kiddies? That's right! Today is the day for a Blog Blast. What's a blog blast you ask? Well, as Kristen calls it, "it's like a blog carnival without the scary blog clowns."The whole affair is in honor of Mother's Day and is sponsored by PBN and Founder of Light Iris Kevin. He's been wearing a Preggo suit all month long. Eek! Good man, that Kevin is. Light Iris is launching this weekend and is running some GREAT CONTESTS with FUN PRIZES. PBN is having contests too. You too can participate by heading over and posting about 'What Makes You a Mother'. So grab your chance in winning the coveted oh so sweet $100 SPA FINDER gift card and much more!What Makes You a Mother?Besides the labor? Gee… you would think that would have done it and instantly made me a Mom. … [Read more...]