Overheards

Scene: H & I discussing nothing of importance while going to bed.H: I'm thinking that I should get a pair of white knit pants.V: WHAT?! White (snort) knit? pants?! Why?! (I continuing snorting and almost end up becoming a pig.)H: What? I thought that is what you said, white knit... oh wait... linen. Is it linen?V: Yes, linen is acceptable. And khaki, not white. I was going to say, what are you trying to audition as a catalog model for International Male? Trying to go for a Saturday Night Fever type look perhaps?Behold... The International Male. They even sell underwear for men with contours... I dare you to check it out. ***GIVEAWAY ALERT**** Mummy's Product Reviews (MPR) is holding a giveaway today- one lucky winner will score some loot! … [Read more...]

Overheards

Scene: Our kitchen last night. H & I are cleaning up from dinner.Me: Ugh... I don't know what is wrong with me. It's maddening. I hit this wall at this time every night (6:14-19 p.m. I swear it is that accurate) and I just feel so awful no matter what I do.H: mumbling under his breath as he puts something away in the fridge. Snorts with laughter to himself.Me: What? What was that you just said?! I didn't hear you....H: Nothing! I didn't say anything. (smirks)Me: No, you did! I heard something. What was it you said?! Tell me or I swear that dirty steak knife sitting in the sink will be used.H: OK...(sighing) I just said, "It's when you take your bitch pill..."Me: WHAT?! That is not funny!!! (giving him an Elaine Bennis shove)H: I know. It's like one of those things that seems funny in … [Read more...]

Overheards

Dinner time, our house, last night...T.D. swipes a fork from the table at lightening speed and quickly hides it on her person.Me: This isn't prison, put the fork back on the table!H tries to keep from spitting food out of his mouth.Moments later T.D. has swiped another fork and poked herself in the face with it. Me: And that's why we don't use forks as weapons or anything else other than as eating utensils...Immediately I'm reminded, as was H, by his snorting laughs of the Arrested Development episodes in which the father teaches his children lessons using the one-armed man. … [Read more...]

Overheards and more

Seriously, you must think I hang out in the weirdest places but really I'm just a regular gal going around town in my 'grocery getter' picking up diapers and hitting the gym on occasion. I just think people have no idea what they sound like, and I'm as guilty as the next person, when someone only hears snippets of conversation.Here's what I've been privy to in the last 24.1. I NEED more poop. (alrighty then! Get that woman some poop!)2. It goes up your baby crack. (I think that is the opposite of the ass crack if you are a girl in case you were wondering)3. Titah bah, Titah bah, Titah bah... (this was repeatedly said by T.D. while in the car last night.) "What is she saying?", H & I asked. I wondered aloud, "Titty bar? Is she saying titty bar? I mean we are next to a Hooters. Is that … [Read more...]

Bill Clinton is on the phone. Will you take the call?

Overheards from our house last night. Scene: Dinner at our house, H & I are conversing about our day. I am discussing the 'Open Letter' to the Presidential candidates on DC Metro Moms.V: It seems that we can't get the candidates to talk to us. Their people keep volunteering their wives instead. Well, that's sweet and stuff and no offense, but we've already talked to some and now we are screaming, "NO! We want YOU, the candidate."H: So you guys won't talk to Bill then, huh?V: Ugh. No, Mr. Smarmy-pants is a spouse too. Besides, I'd probably have to put a dental dam on the phone just to take the call.Later in the evening....V: You are watching what?! I didn't quite hear that correctly.H: Colorsplash. COLORSPLASH!V: Excuse me, what?! You mean the Design Star winner who is always painting … [Read more...]

Overheards

Scene: Casa de Parents (yup, still here). H & I dorkin' it up on our separate laptops as we sit side by side on a couch. My mother walks in with clean sheets. My Mother: Where are the red sheets?Me: Huh? Oh. I brought them down to the laundry room.My mother: There were only two pillowcases. What happened to the sheets.Me: Silence. Huh. Oh. (the longer I'm here the more my verbal skills decrease by sheer lack of routine and the ability to watch massive amounts of HGTV) We only used two pillowcases, not the sheets.My mother: OK. (exits the room)Me: (very late on the uptake) I ate them.H: Well, you never know with you. You are married to a criminal after all.Me: (Hugh sigh of anxiety and stress exudes from me)H: Not funny yet?Me: No.Still want to puke. Want to curl up into a ball and wake … [Read more...]

Overheards

SCENE: My house. Getting ready for bed last night.Me: Why didn't you tell me I had orange stuff all on the side of my face? What is that?!H: Oh. I thought it was for your zit.Me: Nice. NO! H: Well, that thing is scary. It was talking to me during dinner saying, (using a voice as if the zit has possessed him) "H! ME HUNGRY! GIVE ME CHOCOLATE! HOT CHA CHA. ME WANT HOT CHA CHA!"Me: That is so mean! As if I don't feel bad enough with T.D. touching it today saying, "OW! boo-boo Momma! Ow!!!" with my bad hair that desperately needs a haircut, my Santa bowlful of jelly belly right now and now this zit. Which isn't that bad!! You are so mean. Do I say mean things to you about your gray hair? No! I don't point out things like that on you. (I scoot to the other side of the bed and turn my back to … [Read more...]

Overheards

Our house last night-H: AAAHHH!! Geez! A little warning will you?V: What? After all this time you still haven't gotten used to this? Before you I had to do this myself you know. But with you it is now so, I don't know, quick and convienent.H: We're still talking about you warming your freezing cold feet up on me right?Two days later it still feels good. GO SOX!!! CHECK OUT Flaming Tulle today. We're giving one bride a free projector rental for a photo montage to be used at her reception or wherever the need might be on her BIG DAY! Come have a look and pass it on to any of the soon-to-be married's you might know! … [Read more...]

Overheards

Standing back a bit in my parents kitchen, I watch my father carve a turkey.My Mother: Do you want more room than that? Here's a plate. (Mom takes shows him the serving platter)My Father: No. I'm fine.M: (Gets out cutting board and places next to platter) Turn around. I have set up a carving place. Would that be easier for you?F: No. (Sighs heavily as the electric carving knife hits the roasting pan.)M: (Moves platter next to roasting pan.) I have a cutting board set up behind you. Here is the platter. Why don't you just carve it up on this. It would be easier. Wouldn't it?F: No. (Hits the inside of the roasting pan again with the knife. The noise makes my teeth tickle) M: Silently moves platter closer to roasting pan.F: Slaps turkey slices onto pan and then... "I can't freakin' carve this … [Read more...]

Ovaherds, ahem… Overheards Rhode Island Style

"Keep my NAME outta ya mouf!" I said, "Keep my NAME outta ya mouf!" "You know just because something's been buried, doesn't mean it stays buried.""It's the BIG DUH sale!""Just Remember, it's CHOWDAH and Lobstah, Lobstah and Chowdah and you'll be fine. Welcome to Rhode Island."I'm stewing in massive amounts of fried food. I've ingested grilled cheese, french fries, too many clamcakes to count, and a lot of caffiene. The horseflies are biting and I'm catching up on tunes with VH-1 Classics. Limelight by Rush anyone? I had forgotten how oddly rural and uh charming this place can be. Especially when that first overheard was as I walked onto a tranquil beach. Gotta love Rhody. … [Read more...]