The Comedian

So, what is up with you acting like a five day old Wolverine baby? All gnashing gums and razor fingers ripping at my decolletage. You find it all highly and sickly amusing. Are you illin' or just up to your usual tricks? Internets, I would like to introduce you to The Comedian. Formerly known as Dash Two this little bundle of non-stop giggles has shown us she has quite a sadistic *cough* er interesting sense of humor. Exhibit A:Me: Gaah!! Must nurse! Let's go Dash Two - feed!Dash Two nurses for 2 seconds, breaks off, looks up at me and smiles. Then laughs. She repeats this painful little move about nine more times. TD finds it all very hysterical. Me? Not so much.Exhibit B:Dash Two wakes up and I pick her up. She stinks. As I begin to change her my finger lands in something … [Read more...]

Month Four a.k.a. I should be quarantined

Here we are in the thick of month four. Just when I thought we were getting the hang of this whole, "Holy Schnikes! We've got two kids! Batten down the hatches! The house is going to explode with diapers and tiny plastic toys!!" thing I go and get strep throat. Uh, yeah.There's that pesky thing they tell you about when you are post partum. Get sleep. Lack of sleep can put you over the edge and land you in the arid world (complete with sandworms!) of post partum depression. Ha! Thanks for that insight doc! By the way you got a kid in preschool, the whole climate change thing (frost! no frost! shorts today. wool beanies tomorrow.), plus you are breast-feeding? Well then, pack it in lady because you are as good as having the Black Death for the next few months. Did we mention that being … [Read more...]

Yup. It’s the One About My Labor

3:30 a.m.- Crikey! I have to pee again. I'm glad I'm being induced today so I won't have to deal with this whole shuffling to the bathroom thing much longer. Huh. That's weird. I don't think I'm supposed to be bleeding. Or uh... Oh... having contractions?! Is this labor? Holy crap! I'm in labor!I waddle back to our bedroom and tell H, "Hey, so I um.. think we should go to the hospital earlier than planned. I'm in labor or so it seems."Then I do what any rightly thinking woman does and proceed to shower, put on make up, blow dry and straighten my hair and finish packing my bag. The contractions are mild so when else will I have this much time to devote to my looks in the near future, am I right?Then I make H stop at Dunkin' Donuts and then I make us both wait in the car for a half … [Read more...]

Darth Vader Has a Baby

I'm dealing with a nasty head cold over here (thanks preschool!) and about halfway through Dash Two's labor I looked at H and said, "It's sort of sounds like Darth Vader is having a baby over in this room doesn't it?" He agreed that my heavy breathing combined with my super-fine looks created by the oxygen mask that got slapped on my face with no reason given that yes, I did look and sound a bit like the Dark Sided one.And now... some pictures....Swollen and puffy with a head cold. That's how I like to go into labor.Totally worth it though. May I present Dash Two! Born November 17 at 4:46 p.m. All 7 lbs, 6 ounces and 19.5 inches of her. TD is already trying to get her little "kicker" to play toys with her. I'm just hoping she doesn't get this dreadful cold.I'll give you all the gory … [Read more...]

Halloween Happenings

Feet are up. Glass of water sits beside me. Oh, that old game again? Yes. Yes, it is. I had my special sonogram today and we found that indeed this time my amniotic fluid is low and the placenta? The 'done' buzzer has pretty much gone off on it. Dash Two has not made great strides in the growth department this month and while she is active as all get out and her heartbeat is coming through loud, clear and strong, I'm sort of a worried wreck.No decision has been made other than, "Come back twice a week for non-stress tests and we'll see how it goes. We are not in scary territory yet but we could be headed in that direction." Kick ass, doc. Thanks. Tears oozed out the sides of my eyes despite her telling me things were OK. I swear Internets, I have no idea what to do. I just want this … [Read more...]

Dash Two Has a Name

Yes, it is true. After much debate, many go rounds where H and I felt we would never see eye to eye and names such asCaffertyLegumeKumquatLieselCouch ManhattanMaudTaylor (I keep thinking of Laurence Taylor and H adding, "Don't Smoke Crack!" each time didn't help him plead his case.)and more were bandied around with hot debate we have come to a decision. It happened all of a sudden and it's perfect.Noname. Pronounced- No-nam-mee. That's it. Perfect, wouldn't you say? It means, 'an absence of; having an air like quality.' Thoughts? Suggestions? … [Read more...]

Curses! Foiled Again!

Damn! I was kind of hoping I would be immune to the sap of the combination of pregnancy hormones, TD starting preschool and this whole Dash Two Factor but it appears that I am not. No amount of my looking to the dark side of sleepless nights to come, spit up happening and a return to the pony-tail look with no time for mascara is cutting through the mush I have begun to feel on an almost daily basis. Double Damn! I am foiled again.Yesterday, despite dealing with a very difficult TD who could have doubled for a POW camp leader with her nasty tactics of pushing all my buttons and testing every limit, I put her down for a nap complete with extra stories and songs. Who knew POW task masters loved, "You are my Sunshine" that much? She looked at me, face suddenly soft and angelic with not a … [Read more...]

What’s in a Name?

Dash Two's arrival is a mere four months away and when I think of all the things we have yet to do I become positively dizzy. It's not just getting T.D. into a new room and washing old baby clothes and gear but also naming this kid. We are officially stumped. Sure, we have a list of possible monikers but as of yet, nothing is standing out or is yelling, "SOLD!" I think part of the problem is when you name a kid you run into all sorts of comments and criticisms such as:A. If it is a girl- many people will say, "That sounds like a stripper!"B. "Your kid will get beat up with a name like that!"C. "Poor kid's destined to be a dork now".D. "Do you want your kid to be a psycho killer who murders you in your sleep?"orE. All of the above.So while we have searched websites, books, films and … [Read more...]

Dude, It’s Just Heavy

Focus.Regroup.Communicate.All things that swirl around in my brain and that H and I need to do since his lay off last week. While it has only been a week in some ways it feels like a lifetime. The man is working his butt off on the job search and has come to the conclusion that he isn't sure if he wants to stay in his current field which leaves us to -Focus, communicate and regroup.We are going away this week for our planned vacation in sunny, beachy New England. While H feels incredibly guilty and embarrassed at the fact that he is taking a vacation while jobless this trip could not come at a better time. We'll be staying with my family so it's free and the grandparent childcare will give us the time we need to -Regroup, communicate and focus on what our next steps will be with our entire … [Read more...]