Yes, it's true. I have a maid. How else would I get everything done?She's quite efficient too. When I finish my shower, there she is at the ready, holding my towel for me. She would not have it any other way. She's my lady in waiting though I have no rank.She hands me my make-up. She holds my hairbrush and patiently waits for me to put in my hair goop.She even doles out my lotions and other assorted face products.She puts away the laundry. Everything in its proper place! Draws must close completely and she scolds me when I half shut them.She is obsessive about dusting and even screams at me when I try to do it myself.In fact, whenever I try to do anything on my own there she is trailing after me yelling, "ME HELP! ME HELP!"If you haven't already figured it out, my daughter is the maid. … [Read more...]
A Barbie Dream House for Me?!
There it sat. Huge and under the tree. The tag insisted that I was correct, this big box from Santa/my grandparents was intended for only me. My five year-old brain was buzzing with ideas. I could barely contain my excitement. My mother kept warning me to stay away from the tree, "It's not time to open presents yet. Stop touching things and back away from the tree!" I think I might have done a little dance of protest before I backed away. I sat on my grandmother's paisley and floral couch and wondered, what could it be? A pony? It was certainly a large enough box. Then my mind settled on it. The only thing it could be. The only thing I really wanted. A Barbie Dream House. A Barbie Dream House! That had to be it! Satisfied with this idea I got off the couch and joined the rest of my family … [Read more...]
I’m sorry, I cheated.
Dear Hairdresser,Would you prefer to be called stylist? I'm just not sure anymore. My confidence in you has gone. We had such a beautiful relationship. It was good while it lasted and then things just went horribly wrong. I'm not sure what happened still but your inability to listen forced me into the arms of another.I hated to do it. I'm not one for betrayal. I really did think you had mad skillz in everything hair. The subtle way you wound highlights into my hair each autumn with the lowlights was completely stunning. Your service impeccable. You spoiled me. Your clean, vibrant, non-chemical smelling salon turned me rotten for everyone else. So did the cookies and chocolates on trays and all the other small touches I became used to when in your presence. I even, sigh, let you hug me when … [Read more...]
Blog Blast! My Ultimate Beauty Blunder
Green hair,Orange Hair,Gray Hair-It is all the same. Bad.It was late at night. I was alone. My roommates were all gone. My boyfriend was out of town. It was just me and a box of Feria, the newest at home hair coloring kit on the market. The platinum blonde color oh so tempting. I just had to try it. It called to me from the shelves of CVS and I snatched it up and brought it home. Like a junkie in its paper bag I scurried into the bathroom to begin taking my already blonde and ultra highlighted locks even more blonde.Around 11 p.m. I found myself coughing and running from the bathroom, the scent of bleach was so strong. There might have been some tingling. I can’t be sure. My brain has blocked out so much of the impending trauma. When I finally rinsed out the dye and put on the … [Read more...]
Wacky Warning Labels!
Looking around my house this week I noticed that while yes I've gotten pretty good at weeding out many of the harmful chemicals and cleaners in my home there are still some that warrant some interesting and quite frankly wacky warning labels. Let's begin shall we? 1. Behold this bottle of Febreze The back of the bottle states- 'Safe to use around pets and household items.' Great! Aren't we supposed to be spraying it on or around those items? Then it says, 'Do not spray directly into face.' You mean to tell me I can't Febreze myself instead of showering. Damn! I was all set to do that today too. Seriously? Who would spray Febreze in their face? It's not eau de cologne! 2. My washing machine Notice the left hand picture. It asks that you kindly not wash items that have … [Read more...]
Sweet Tart Overdose and a Crayfish Too
The truck was packed. Blearily my eyes tried to focus as my father woke us up and told us to get in the truck, it was almost time to "hit the road." We were Sebago bound. Sebago Lake, Maine. Every year my family would pack up the car and go to Sebago. We would head out on the five hour journey around 3 a.m. "We've got to get there early so we can pick the best campsite!", my Dad would declare. Each year I was allowed to invite one friend to spend ten days camping with us. This particular year I chose my friend Julie. I couldn't wait! It was freedom! Showers that operated by coin! Canadians in speedos! S'mores by the campfire and endless hours of roaming by the lake. Pre-teen heaven, well, minus the Canadian flag speedos.Propped up on pillows, ensconced in our sleeping bags and surrounded … [Read more...]
Blog Blast! Join the Fun and Do Some Good!
Tell me about your favorite charity, or better yet, head to PBN and post it there. If you are like me there is an organization that you hold near and dear to your heart. Maybe you know someone with cancer and you want to help in anyway you can so you donate to the American Cancer Society. Maybe you love animals and want to help out the local shelter. For me, it is a deeply personal reason that I donate to this one particular organization. They helped me out in so many ways during such a dire time in my life. A time that if they had not been there I would have probably remained broken for years to come if not forever. My life would not be what it is today nor would I. I was in an abyss with no way out and felt completely isolated and alone. The Domestic Violence Resource Center of South … [Read more...]
The Good Ol’ Days
Back in the days when I was "with child", "preggo", had a "bun in the oven" or was just plain pregnant I had a lot of people say some pretty bizarre or just plain rude things to me. They feel it's perfectly ok to not even say 'hello!' or even smile at you, but just okey dokey to touch your belly or poke your button. It gets pretty damn annoying. Here are a few of my faves- AND- things I wish I would have said and sometimes did.-"Are you allowed to eat that?" as I chomped on a Brownie. "Uh.. yeah..Why not? Are they special Brownies? If they are special Brownies I'm eating the whole pan."-"Will you be breast-feeding?" Blurted out in the middle of a meeting. Asked by a man who I barely knew. Talk about creepy. I had no reply for that one and still don't. Just YICK!!! -Me in my office: … [Read more...]
PBN-‘Get a Hobby!’
“Discover your hobby personality!” This is what ‘Get a Hobby!’ by Tina Barseghian proposes. My husband and I could not wait to tear into this book and figure out our most ideal hobbies. We’re always looking for something else to cram into our already overblown schedules. We carefully read the Foreword by Miguel Figuerra, M.D.; learning that hobbies can create a more relaxed you. Excellent! Let’s get crackin’ shall we?We sat down and diligently took the quiz that would help match us up with our hobbies. Right away, I found myself getting frustrated. The questions were so absolute. I love history yet somehow it didn’t factor in because I didn’t know the answer to the question. Maybe that was me reading it wrong, but a ripple of annoyance spread through me. After taking the quiz, I was all … [Read more...]
PBN-Even June Cleaver Would Forget the Juice Box
I have to admit I eagerly awaited the arrival of this book with almost too much excitement. ‘Even June Cleaver Would Forget the Juice Box’, by Ann Dunnewold, Ph.D. offers “workable solutions to the Mommy Madness”. I could not wait to crack it open and prove that I am right in my parenting ways. The idea of extreme parenting has always been a hot issue with me. Before I had T.D., it got me riled up and now that my daughter is here, it’s even worse. I have to bite my tongue so hard sometimes from flipping out on some of the judgy Mom’s out there. I get so sick of defending my belief about having "me" time or date nights. After I defend myself though, I sometimes wonder and guilt myself into a cyclical series of worries about T.D.’s future. If I let her keep the pacifier now will she talk … [Read more...]