I'm just going to admit this up front- I hate the pool.My husband? He seems to love the pool. I've actually begun to dread this time of year as of late because I know it means only one thing. He is going to want to go to the pool. Do I hate the pool because it means I have to get into a bathing suit? No.Do I hate the pool because of the tons of screaming children and loud cannon balling teenagers? A bit.Do I hate the pool because the women's locker/rest room is a stinkin' hive of germs and wet toilet paper on the floor but never on the roll where it belongs and out of the three toilets usually only one is flushed? That one? It usually has a brown mucky poop-laced water on the floor around it. YES! YES! I hate the pool for that reason. I feel like TD and I need a round of shots … [Read more...]
Bathing Suit Season Cometh
You know eating an entire box of cupcakes seemed like a fab idea at the time. So did guzzling bottles of wine, eating crepes with bacon, syrup and yes, more bacon. Those fries were also pretty tasty as was the hot buttered popcorn I savored at the movies last week. Overdid it a tad? Perhaps. I admit I'm a glutton of sorts and I do like my salts and sweets. And um... all things winey. And beery and vodka-infused too. So it is with great horror that I realized that the pool will be opening soon and I've got two kiddos who are all about running around in cute floral swimsuits with ruffled behinds. Me? Not so much. I've got more of a rippley behind and it has got to come to a full stop. Not a full stop for those walking near me either, as in, "Oh dear gawd! Would you just look at … [Read more...]
To My Shame
Comedian Russell Brand writes in his book, My Booky Wook, that you can get away with admitting to almost anything if you preface it with the following: "To My Shame..."Let's try it shall we?To my shame, I once got so drunk on cider and melon ball shooters that I threw up in H's kitchen sink. His roommates were not pleased. They hadn't done the dishes yet.To my shame, I admit to driving topless on more than a few occasions. I was sixteen, barely an A cup and figured, if guys can do it why can't I? Quite freeing, really.To my shame, I've told TD that there is a candy fairy who sometimes eats her treats when we are not around. It's easier than telling her my greedy self was the one who scarfed down her Butterfingers and Reese's cups. See? It all sounds so much better! Heh.Read my … [Read more...]
The Biggest Weakling
Oh.My.Lord.I would not say I was over confident by any means. I finally finished Level 1 of the 30 Day Shred yesterday and I knew if I was going to make any more progress I was going to just have to jump into Level 2 today. Then there was that tax email from H that had loads of questions that were just burning to be answered. Being the dutiful partner that I am I got right to it. Not that I was putting off shredding or anything. *cough*First, let me just say that Level 2 has music that sounds like a bad 70s porno full of "wang, wang, wang" sounds. Intentional? Perhaps. Second, Level 2 is like entering the fifth ring of hell with all its plank positions and major ab work. There are teeny tiny muscles in my shoulders that thought they could quietly atrophy into themselves but Jillian … [Read more...]
Shoulda’s
From the "I Shoulda Known..." chapter of life.I shoulda known better than to think everything was fine when TD kept saying, "Almost done Momma!" for more than fifteen minutes in the bathroom. Instead, I kept cleaning the kitchen while getting lost in an NPR radio buzz. That is until she emerged from the bathroom smeared in poo. Yup. Shoulda known better. Shoulda had more wipes in the house and paper towels on hand. Probably shouldn't have sprayed her with this at first sight, but I did. Hey! It was already in my hand and it was only her foot. I really cleaned her up afterwards. Shoulda known better than to tell my friend how concerned I really am about her and her state of affairs as I haven't heard from her in a while. I shoulda known I might have been overstepping my bounds, but I … [Read more...]