Scene: A sun dappled den. The Comedian and I are sharing some quiet time while our dog, Lex suns herself outside on our deck. "Cheeep! Cheep, Cheep, ChiiRRRP!" The Comedian and I look out the sliding glass doors of the den to see Lex catch an adult-sized Robin in her mouth. As I press my face to the glass I can actually see the fear in the bird's eyes and I let out a bit of a whimper. "Poor, germ-infested bird. You had no idea that lazy looking dog was going to come out and get you did you? I know. Me neither."In the past Lex has caught toads, lizards and other smaller birds but when they cease to move any longer she stands above them looking perplexed. She nudges them with her nose wondering where her playmate has gone. It's almost sad if it weren't so well, wild. I forget … [Read more...]
The Longest Hour
To all you women out there who bring your many tiny tots to the grocery store all at once I commend you. I. Just. CANNOT. Handle. It. At all.Granted, I can't seem to get the handle of the Ergo Baby while holding a purse which would free up the cart versus putting the baby carrier in there because there is NO grocery cart for people with a toddler and a young baby. None. Sure, I can use the car cart but then the seat to balance the baby carrier is always too small. I end up placing her sideways over the basket and have minimal access to the cart and ooh I'm already sweating and stressing out before I have even entered the store. Now, H can handle all this. He just sticks TD in the cart and straps Dash Two into the Baby Bjorn and goes. It's all stress and nightmares for me no matter … [Read more...]
Welcome to McDonald’s. May I Help You?
There I was running errands and so hungry I was about to chew my arm off. Either that or eat some of the tasty stuffing that Nissan has lovingly provided. I looked at the dashboard clock and realized it was close to dinner. I was in no mood to cook for just T.D. and I. I decided to grit my teeth and not think about the harm I was doing to myself or my child and just suck up the fact that tonight we were doing the drive-thru. I needed fries. Twice in one month mind you. I am hanging my head in shame right now. Do you see the grease dripping off it?As I pulled in I noticed that America does not run on Dunkin', at least not after 5 p.m. No, it runs on McDonald's. The line of cars at the drive-thru was long. At our turn I placed our order and proceeded to sit. And sit. We sat at the speaker … [Read more...]
Michael’s a.k.a. Pain & Suffering in Suburbia
Dear Micheal's Craft Store,Or should I be calling you Crafty store? You suck me in each time with the power to persuade me that I really can bake a four tiered cake with sugared flowers and fondant decor. All done by me and my masterful hand. Ha! Your masterful hand. Like a Puppet Master you hold the strings as I glide slowly down the aisles being seduced by your sparkly paste gemstones, beads, and modeling clay. Your bright and colorful displays of silk flowers lure me in making me feel inadequate when I know that no amount of green foam or designer dish will make my floral creation something of beauty. Each time I go in for one thing only and come out with foam pumpkins (only 50 cents!) and fabric paint. You are tricky Michael's. Very tricky. I dream of weddings gone by that could have … [Read more...]