We see here a species of toddler called cryingfornoreasonocundus. While we often wish it were a rare form of the toddler realm it appears more often than we adults would like.The Finale!Notice the wild hair and swollen lips customary for these creatures after a wild crying jag.Ah a night in our house. When a toddler can suddenly combust. Why? We are still trying to figure that one out. … [Read more...]
Fodder for one of those hidden camera shows? That would have been me yesterday. The morning started off normal enough and then T.D. turned cranky and started pulling on the same ear over and over again. Suddenly the easy morning of writing, gym time, and meeting with H to work out business stuff became much more chaotic. 8:37 a.m.- "Hi, it's me! Listen could you give me a call back? T.D. has been pulling on her ear all morning and she has a 12:20 doctor appt. now. I can't meet with you at the granite place. Call me!"8:43 a.m.- H calls back- I say, "Right. Ok, I understand, but that means we would have to meet in about a half hour and I'm not even showered... and I really need to be. (inwardly totaling drive and shower time, eliminating the gym from the day completely now, work time slowly … [Read more...]
Thank God that you can't kick people off a plane mid-flight. If you could I'm sure the woman in seat 15F would have thrown up the side door and ousted T.D. and I somewhere over Jersey. Seeing as opening that door would have killed everyone else on board or at least sent them into a drooling mess with them crapping their own pants her only alternative was to suck it up. Along with everyone else including me. Oh yes. I have THAT kid. The one who hates flying and screams during much of the flight. I should have known it was not going to be a barrel of fun when she woke up at 5:30 a.m. the day of the flight. Two hours before her normal time. She barreled around the gate making friends and flirting. She was just sooo charming. Who could resist such an imp? I was hoping that she would just … [Read more...]
"Time to make the vittles", I thought yesterday evening. Ok, so I don't actually use the word vittles. Reminds me of entrails or something equally grotesque. Rocky Mountain oysters perhaps? As I got started on dinner, T.D. started to do the witching hour dance of "FEED ME WOMAN or Suffer my wrath!" Seeing as I don't like suffering at the hands of a two foot tall being with minimal teeth and less than stellar coordination I gave her a bit of a snack. Ok a treat. Really? I was just simply not thinking. Maybe I grabbed the treat for myself and ended up giving it to her. Maybe not. All I know is that a few minutes later I hear grunting and squeals of delight coming from a corner of the kitchen. The dog is licking something off the floor. That something being brown. Huh. I look at T.D. and she … [Read more...]
A dictator stands on a platform red-faced and screaming. Cut to five minutes before. H standing at the kitchen sink and says, "The sink is clogged." Uh-Oh. "Oooh, I say, the sink is clogged? (long sigh)." As if this is the most interesting news all day. Oh the excitement.H begins to fix the clog. I haul out everything from underneath the sink and he places a bucket under the pipes. Rockin' good times in our house. T.D. grabs a seat. Front and center. She gets comfy Indian Style right in between the bucket and H. I lean down to see her rapt little face. H unscrews the pipe and does a little tap. Suddenly, a whoosh of water is heard and I am doused from the knees down with disgusting, putrid, baby-vomit looking drain water. I am wearing sandals. I can feel the gritty squish between my toes. … [Read more...]
I have one friend who thinks that going to church on Sunday's equals adulthood. Another simply thinks the act of getting married means you have truly crossed that threshold. For H and me that trek is the one to Costco. Nothing screams you have entered adulthood more to us than obtaining a membership to one of those buy-in-bulk stores. It just seems like you are so prepared and thinking economically. Like you really know what you want and how much you need and at what price. It's so...suburban.A Costco has been built near our house. Oh dreaded curses. Why?! We already have a BJ's and Sam's Club (NEVER!). We don't NEED a Costco. I grumbled and muttered my way through it's construction the last few months. It sucking up parking space as it glommed on to our local outlet mall. Stupid Costco. … [Read more...]
Mother's Day was bliss. T.D. awoke at 6 a.m. but I just grabbed my sleepmask and snuggled deeper into the blankets. When I awoke hours later it was to a fresh, hot latte, flowers, new books, and eggs benedict. I read the entire Sunday Post. It was pure heaven. The whole day was like this. Not cleaning, no cooking, reading and relaxing with family and friends. It was heaven. As we settled in to watch an image searing movie, T.D. tucked into bed, I thank H for such a perfect day. It really was.12:07 a.m.- Reality check- T.D. wakes up crying. No screaming. Shreiks to wake Ramses the Dead. I stumble into her room and place her back down with her blanket.Silence. I have been asleep maybe 45 minutes as that aforementioned image searing film has plagued my thoughts all night causing … [Read more...]
Friday was H's birthday, the big 30, and to celebrate we went to one of those Japanese steak houses. It was all fine and good. T.D. was entertained by the flashing knives and onion smoke stacks which was nice. Afterwards we were headed back to the car when H decided he wanted to check out the local used book store. Normally I am not a fan of the used book store. It's musty, disorganized to the point that you wonder if sugar high crazed toddlers put the books on the shelves and there is always that CD section. It entices me first thing only to find myself staring at multiple copies of Green Day, Johnny Mathis, and Andy Williams Cd's. Suffice to say I am not a fan of the used book store realm. We wandered in and began to peruse the stacks. As T.D. squeaked about in her Pippytoes, H and I … [Read more...]
T.D.'s latest achievement is screaming. She's quite adept at it. Typically the scream doesn't come in the form of frustration or anger, just bursts. Very effective when she wants to scare the bejeezes out of me.Example 1: I am cutting up fruit at the counter. Sharp knife in hand. NPR is buzzing on the radio, a quiet afternoon listening to the feuds of Nixon and Kissinger, is there anything better? Silently she pads into the room, stalking her prey (me). She screams one sharp, shrill scream right behind me. I jump and turn quickly while brandishing that long, sharp knife. She laughs hysterically, screams again and runs away. Oh Ha ha, what good fun. I almost knifed myself in the throat jumping like that. How would I explain that to the neighbors? Example 2: Watering plants on the deck we … [Read more...]
I had a meeting the other day about a writing job which I'm excited about as it's not a venue I've done a lot with and it will require a bit of detective work on my behalf. I knew going into the meeting that I would have to bring T.D. along and that was fine as this woman also works out of her home and her kids would be there too. Fine. Fine.When I arrived I got T.D. settled in the playroom just off the office. She toddled around the room checking out the new toys. It soon became clear however, that the office was far more fascinating to her and so were the contents of my purse. She showed this fascination by dumping it all over the floor and then systematically removing what I couldn't grab as I tried to pay attention, take notes, and make intelligent conversation. Oy. My stress level … [Read more...]