Randomness #235- I look like Harry Potter

-Those crazy folks at Poo-pourri are at it again- "Poo~Pourri is a spray deodorizer designed to be sprayed directly onto the toilet bowl water before you go. The secret blend essential oils create a film on the surface of the toilet water that acts as a barrier to trap odors inside." Secret blend? Makes me think of the Colonel's secret blend of herbs and spices and to never wanting to eat fried chicken ever again.-I stopped shredding and gained four pounds. Probably because I also consumed four pounds of cadbury eggs, chocolate marshmallow bunnies and a load of Hershey products all in a few short weeks. My insides feel disgusting. Time to detox! Who's coming with me?!-I read that Speidi will be honeymooning in Mexico. Can it be true? Will the apocalypse caused by this union be diverted if … [Read more...]

The Biggest Weakling

Oh.My.Lord.I would not say I was over confident by any means. I finally finished Level 1 of the 30 Day Shred yesterday and I knew if I was going to make any more progress I was going to just have to jump into Level 2 today. Then there was that tax email from H that had loads of questions that were just burning to be answered. Being the dutiful partner that I am I got right to it. Not that I was putting off shredding or anything. *cough*First, let me just say that Level 2 has music that sounds like a bad 70s porno full of "wang, wang, wang" sounds. Intentional? Perhaps. Second, Level 2 is like entering the fifth ring of hell with all its plank positions and major ab work. There are teeny tiny muscles in my shoulders that thought they could quietly atrophy into themselves but Jillian … [Read more...]

I Cry Do Over!

So yesterday was a total wash. At least as far as living a healthy shredding lifestyle. There were doctor appointments for me and TD, and a sleepless night broke us. Numerous visits to the pharmacy and I finally got to see the psychiatrist for my postpartum depression diagnosis. It was simply put a very long and exhausting day. Do any of us really want to review our whole psych history in under an hour and dredge up all our little and not so little issues in that short amount of time? No, not really. Do we want to leave that cozy office with its box of endless tissues and go out into the blaring sun and head back into our everyday life? Not me. I just wanted to take a big nap.I did learn one thing yesterday. When I'm stressed and tired it is oh so clear that I reach for one thing. … [Read more...]

Shred, Shred, Shred!

Just when I think I can take no more I imagine myself standing in the middle of a circle of faceless people shouting, "Shred! Shred! Shred!" as if I'm about to do a keg stand instead of air punches and squats. It keeps me motivated I swear. When my arms feel like they are going to break off at the shoulder and fall on the floor writhing in agony because Man! circuit three strength training hurts so good and yes, hurts so freakin' bad I need all the encouragement I can get. I'm on day seven of Shredding and hallelujah it is working! As I type I'm wearing a pair of jeans I bought back in my pre-Dash Two days. It's exhilarating. I have more energy, sleep more soundly (minus those times when TD wakes up at 4 a.m. crying for Chapstick) and really do feel like that twenty minutes of … [Read more...]

I love the smell of sweat in the morning

It smells like victory.Am breathless. Sweaty. Want to rip off all my clothes and lay on the floor panting. Jillian Micheal's and her 30 Day Shred just pulverized me and in front of my innocent children.Going into my first day of the 30 Day Shred Challenge I had no idea what to think. H ripped the factory sealed plastic off the DVD as soon as he got home last night and immediately fired up the DVD player. After watching my former Marine husband sweat profusely from just twenty minutes I got a little bit afraid. Then I thought, Pfftt.. I did an hour and a half of this stuff all last year. I'll be fine. My body will remember.HA! I am not just breathless and sweaty but also profoundly delusional. Apparently getting knocked up performs a lobotomy on your muscles. The muscles in my thighs are … [Read more...]

Overheards

Scene: After completing a round of Pilates yesterday morning I head to the shower. TD follows after me holding a pink ribbon. TD: Momma, I'm doing kwaties. Me: Kwaties? You mean pilates?TD: No! Kwaties. Ka-wha-tieeess (speaking slowly to me as if I'm slightly special.)Me: Kwaties, huh? That's cool.TD: Yeah. I learned it from Mary.Me: Mary? Who is Mary? Does she go to your school? Is she on TV?TD: (Slightly exasperated) No, Momma. Maaarry. Mary and her purple lamb. And I have to use my belt. Like dis! (circles pink ribbon around her waist and holds it there.) See? I'm going to do Kwaties now. Bye!Me: You are blowing my mind kid. Just blowing my mind. And freaking me out. Just a little bit. I seriously don't want any encounters with a purple lamb in my house. … [Read more...]

PR People Plot My Ruin

The key to success with any diet or err.. life change is that one has to take the focus off the main subject. Read: STOP THINKING ABOUT FOOD ALL DAY YOU GREEDY GIRL! Also? Stop thinking that the cute orange food monster on Weight Watchers looks like a fun and lovable companion that you would like to share a scone and afternoon with as well. So this um, life change is doubly hard when all I've been getting from PR folks the last few days is constant weight loss pitches. 'The All You Can Eat Cookie Diet!' - the pitch included picks of stars featured in US Weekly and more, all who purportedly used the noshing cookie diet and lost massive amounts of squish. Pah! 'EATALL' Snack yourself slim! Really? Just stop talking to me about snacking! It's snacking that is my downfall and how I became … [Read more...]

The All You Can Eat Snow Diet!

There is half a sheet cake sitting in my kitchen. It mocks me on a regular basis. It knows it is -a.) the only junk food in my house unless you count the box of Annie's Cheddar Bunnies but I think they taste like soap so who cares anyway, right?andb.) that I started weight watchers a few weeks ago and I've been failing miserably.It is not like it is the holidays or anything but two weekends of birthday parties and an endless supply of cake, birthday pancakes for TD and food for company has not made it easy. I was all working out and loosing 'the pooch' as H put it about two weeks ago and then it just went to hell in a monster-sized laundry basket.I'm back on today and I'm hoping that the stomach bug I seem to have contracted this weekend has kicked it into high gear. But seriously weight … [Read more...]

Crap! I forgot to pack my fat pants!

I'm headed to BlogHer tomorrow. It's my first time. Be gentle with me. I realized this morning amidst my cramming in other blogging stuff and figuring out what to pack that the last time I was in lovely and chilly San Fran I had to buy fat pants to board the plane.That's right. You heard me. FAT PANTS. I think it deserves the all caps.Never before had I gained weight like that so fast. Two weeks in S.F. eating at Mel's, on Bay Street, The Garlic Rose and more and all I came back with was a taste for fine food and an expanded waist line. I remember trying to squeeze into my jeans and having to head to the nearest Gap in horror as I bought a pair of men's drawstring cargo pants. I still own them too dammit and that was back in the year 2000. I use them as snow pants now so I can layer … [Read more...]

The Nine- An Update

Augh. So I was feeling pretty good. I had lost 4.5 lbs in just two weeks. I was working out and eating healthy. Lots o grilled veggies and Spirutein shakes. Then I had Girls Night and had too much wine. Wine with brownies. And Cheese Nips. Which I NEVER eat. Oh and some M&M's. Light and dark chocolate. Right, then there was that sugar cookie thrown in too. Next day hung over slightly with my knees bothering me again I skipped the gym. Did my weigh in this morning and somehow between yesterday and today I gained three pounds.To say I'm angry would be a mild way of putting it. Angry. Annoyed. Frustrated and discouraged. I was feeling so good. I don't like to be myself up about that after all I do have one free day. ONE. That is what happens? Yeesh. So it's back to all … [Read more...]