One of the things I worry about with this third baby goes beyond the norm. Sure, I worry about its health and if everything will be OK during the delivery but not like I did with TD when everything was so brand new and alien. No, I worry about another round of Post-Partum Depression.
I had high hopes after The Comedian was born that I would escape unscathed and for a while it felt like I might. While round two was not nearly as bad as the first go round was with TD it was still there and had to be dealt with and gone through. H and I still had to figure out counseling sessions. I went on medication. I was lucky to have family nearby who understood and was able to help out too. There were still dark moments, feelings of isolation, crying jags and those awful times of futility and sadness. Much wine was consumed and probably a few cigarettes. I don’t want to go through it again. I wish there was a pill I could pop that would blink it away right after the birth. “There you go ma’am, with that pill your stomach will shrink back to pre-baby size and you will be rid of any PPD.” Whew! That’s a relief. Ha.
I think it weighs more on my mind right now because last week I was given an accolade for my “honest and sometimes hilarious” take on PPD. I’m glad to be of service and let others know that they are not alone. I’m happy to provide resources and information to aid in others recovery as well. Yet, it is hard to wear this survivor badge with a whole lot of joy or even pride when it feels like something I’ll never escape. Maybe after I survive my third go round, which I hope I’m too busy with three kids to even go through, maybe then I can be proud I survived another battle. Right now I just feel like I’m one corner away from that ugly beast.
For information on post-partum depression visit Postpartum Progress.
It crosses my mind in the mix of all my first-pregnancy worries. What scares me most is when the baby's here, it's the first time ever I'll be sitting at home not working while Mike leaves every day for work. I'm afraid of being bored and/or resentful, especially once we leave D.C. and arrive in India. (Where ironically the childcare is cheap but it will be very hard for me to find a job.)At least for a few weeks we'll have each other and my little bundle of something will get to meet your girls!
I am going to try placenta encapsulation this time in my attempt to avoid ppd this time. Maybe it would be something to consider?
Thanks for sharing…boy do I share your fears, for me about #2! I think you CAN proudly wear your badge just b/c you are openly talking about your PPD…that's what it's about, right? Making sure that others don't feel alone, can find resources like Postpartum Progress and our blogs easily, know they can find good treatment, etc. No way to know what will happen postpartum, but I pray that being aware and having access to resources is half the battle.Blessings, Amber @ Beyond Postpartumwww.atlantappdmom.blogspot.com
Thanks so much for sharing your story!Just wanted to let you know I linked to you in my weekly round-up on blogs dealing with perinatal mood disordres. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through this 3rd pregnancy and birth!