I’m nice right now. And um, still a teensy bit brain dead. I have good days and bad days and in the past two weeks more bad than good. When I realized this my little PPD nerve center went on alert and I found myself standing in the middle of a room wondering if this was the other shoe dropping. Was postpartum depression going to hit me again a third time? The very thought of it made me weepy. Then angry. Then yup, you guessed it. Weepy again.
I wanted to crawl under the covers and hibernate. I felt twitchy and snappy evil. My eyes may or may not have glowed red once or twice. I wanted to talk to someone, anyone about this, but then no one at all. Call it a case of being sick of dealing with this type of shit. The third time would not be the charm. Then an interesting thing happened.
I went away for work. I packed the three girls up and took a little trip with them that made me feel capable again and I got my first decent night’s sleep in weeks. The fact that I knew that I didn’t have to hear The Fifth Element cry at ‘o dark thirty’ relaxed me and lulled me into a deep sleep. I still woke up with the other kids but just knowing in the back of my brain that I wouldn’t hear her because she was in my parents room and not just down the hall from me was huge. I slept. Then I slept again another night. It’s no wonder PPD can be brought on by a lack of sleep. After just two days of taking magnesium to help sleep I feel as if I am out of the fog and I can think again. I still feel tired but maybe another night will do me good. I’m glad I have the chance.
Thanks, Mom & Dad for watching the girls while I work and making it possible for me to get back on track. It means so much to me and all of us. I love you. We are so blessed.
