I know, I know. You say, "Mummy, you are so cool! How can I be more like you?" Well, here it is folks. If you want to live like me then here is a tip from me to you. It's called, "How to wear three pairs of pants in one day." 1. Volunteer to watch your friends 10 month-old. When baby throws up on your leg, lift him off one leg only to realize that his diaper has leaked and he has peed on your other leg. Now with both legs covered in bodily fluids ask your two year-old to go get your khaki pants. Clean up as best you can while changing baby and putting on second pair of pants. Thank toddler/maid for actually knowing how to get your pants.2. Later in the day, while wearing khaki pants, let morning/all day sickness overcome you and wretch so hard into the toilet that you pee … [Read more...]
Strawberry Shortcake – The Nudist
As a kid, I grew up in the Ocean State. Ah, lil' Rhody with it's four hundred miles of beaches. Bet you didn't know that the smallest state in the country could boast so much coastline. We certainly had our pick of the beaches and of all those sandy strips my parents often chose the one that you actually had to strip at. That's right, a nude beach. Moonstone to be exact and I'm not trying to be funny.Now a nature reserve for the piping plover or some such bird, Moonstone was a nude beach into the early 80's. As a small kid I didn't notice much of anything in the way of awkwardness I rather liked the whole no sand in the bathing britches factor and I was literally free to run around and play all day. Minus the fact that there were often few other children to play with it wasn't a bad beach. … [Read more...]
Pffft… Who needs sleep?!
We don't need a new baby to give us sleepless nights. Nope. We have T.D. a.k.a. the Sleep Torturer. Just like her name, the Tiny Dictator, she has blossomed into a czar who makes sleeping four hours in a row seem like bliss. For example:I pass out at 7:30 p.m. last night. Lucky me. Sleep when baby sleeps right? Except baby is two and not napping in the afternoon and throwing a Goebbels-sized fit about going to bed. Somehow though the pregnancy hormones make it impossible for me to stay up any longer. I wake up two more times before 9 p.m. and officially turning in. 11:13 p.m.- The dictator arises. She is dissatisfied with her bumble bee blanket. How dare we try to provide extra warmth with such an inferior blanket. Rather than kick if off herself she just wails until we take it … [Read more...]
Less is More
Want to buy a house for $50K? Well you can right here in the DC Metro area. It's true and it's unreal all at the same time. Everywhere you look these days houses are going into foreclosure, being abandoned and just taking six months or more to sell at prices lower than the appraised tax value. House flipping has naturally taken a hit as well. With our most recent flip we sold it not in our regular fast pace of less than a week or even less than 24 hours but it took two months, two price drops and accepting an offer that made us little profit. It's disheartening at best but it is a sign of the times.Reading the Washington Post fashion section in the Sunday Source this past weekend it became clear that even in that realm things are taking a hit. Designers are not offering up a lot of … [Read more...]
Marathon Monday
I can tell that today is going to be one of those days. Where it is barely 8 a.m. and I feel like I'm already running around in circles and wishing I could attach that old IV of caffeine to wheel around with me. After an exhausting but fun weekend away visiting family we are all feeling a bit done. Well, all meaning the 'rents and not T.D. The kid took a four hour nap yesterday afternoon and was up bright and chipper at the wonderful hour of 6 a.m. My eyes would not budge open and my limbs felt dead to the world. As I lay there willing myself to get up and start the day I wonder- is it even worth throwing in the gym time when I feel like Mondays are a marathon anyway?6:30 a.m.- Wake up Momma! Run upstairs and throw on gym clothes (yes, we have a loft bathroom which H loathes and I … [Read more...]
Harry Potter Thinks I Need to Clean My Tub
They say that with pregnancy comes cravings, the frequent need to pee and a host of other fun things that we have either forgotten about or never experienced. Do they ever mention the bizarre host of dreams though?Since becoming 'with child' as H calls it I've -Walked in on Harry Potter making acne medication/potions in my guest bathroom only to then hear him complain about the dirty state of my bathtub. My father then entered the room and said, "Eehh, it's not so bad. I've used it plenty. Relax, Harry!" Hmmph. Good enough for me and I told 'ol Potter there that if he didn't like the tub then he could just 'magic' it clean himself and left.Had Michael Caine over for dinner. He wore a blue blazer, white shirt and a gold ascot. We had loads of fun and it was a fine evening had by all. I … [Read more...]
Dear Trader Joe’s
Dear Trader Joe's,It is Joe right? Not Giotto, Jose or whatever alias you might feel like going by today? I'm on to you. I will admit you snuck one by me and I'm very disappointed in you Joe. Very disappointed.When I visited your open and friendly store just last week you were chocked full of delightful supplies. Even your bathroom was clean and sweet smelling. I purchased many items from you as I am wont to do when I set foot on your premises. Each. And. Every. Time. You suck me in Joe. I am truly a sucker for you. So when I saw your delicious, fresh key lime pie I knew I had to have you. Have you I did as I proudly placed you on the register to be scanned. I placed you lovingly in my car and took you home with me. Oh beautiful not scary green key lime pie. Not too tart, not … [Read more...]
A Letter to My Mother
Dear Mom,I suppose, it being Mother’s Day and all, I could have bought you a nice flowery, probably pink card from Hallmark or American Greetings and that would have sufficed. Except that while those cards all say wonderful and true things sometimes only a letter will do. So here you go- a nice sappy, heartfelt THANK YOU, just for you this Mother’s Day.Thank you for all that you have done for me this year whether it was coming to take care of me in my time of need, when life got too crazy and I simply needed my mother or when a beautiful deck just needed to be built. My yard is forever changed and it just goes to show that you do in fact, always need your Mom no matter how old you are.Thank you for teaching me grace and manners. In this world today, they sometimes seem antiquated or … [Read more...]
Friday Roundup!
Howdy Pardner's! Sorry I just could not resist having the word roundup and not using some lame cowboy terminology. Let's get the admin stuff out of the way shall we?Winnah! Winnah! Chicken Dinnah! See the winning photos of the SanDisk Cruzor Gator flash drive contest over at MPR here. Check out the fun find, coupons and more while you are over there. You just never know what you'll find!More on the Avon Walk.In case you have been in a hole the past few days read this and this. That first one? Did you get it all? Did you make it through? I think you deserve some sort of medal of honor if you did. That second one? Blech, Kathie Lee, just blech. And that's not Maria Bailey, but Jill Asher over there on the Today show segment. I'm off to find an ace bandage/over the shoulder boulder … [Read more...]
*Pop!*
Yup. You heard it too?That is the sound of me expanding. I've popped. In one day.From Saturday to Sunday this weekend I seem to now be showing. You would think with all the walking and ab work I did it would have made a difference, but bean number two or Dash Two as I'm referring to this kid until some personality shows, has decided to makes it presence known.Maternity clothes are in effect and I'm diggin' the rubber band look for my pants. While not quite ready for most maternity shirts my regular fitted ones no longer fit. I'm in a clothing dilemma. This is where I need some kind-hearted designer or maternity clothing company to send me some of those in-between clothes. AHEM!Also, today is the last day to enter my SanDisk Mother's Day contest. It's 8GB people! Jump on board before it's … [Read more...]