On the Side of Dexter

If you haven’t watched Showtime’s show Dexter then you have no idea what you are missing. I will preface it this, at a party recently when the topic of new fall shows came up someone said, “Ooh! I have a great show! Do you mind blood?” The conversation went from there. You have to not mind oceans of blood with Dexter. Five bodies worth. Dexter is also a Sociopath and this is how I side with him.

I have mentioned a few times before on this here blog that I am not a touchy feeling person. I can’t say this enough. I don’t fawn over things, I don’t hug much, and in high school I was called an Ice Princess on way more occassions than I can count. Apparently I have been this way since birth. I’ve always struggled out of hugs, given the slightest kiss, and really just not remembered to even do these things or that other people like them. I have to remind myself to pet my dog people. Really. I have to literally say to myself, “It’s been over a day, you should probably pet the dog.” So I do.

When T.D. came along it was different. She is the first being I don’t have to remind myself to touch. It’s a freakin’ let out o a sigh of relief miracle. I was really worried about it. I just don’t think to do these things. For instance, when I would come home from college and step foot off the plane, my brain would say, “Remember to hug your parents and let them hug you. They like it so just do it.” Weird huh? Makes me feel like a sociopath. This is how I side with the character of Dexter, a person who had to learn what normal behavior is in order to fit in with the rest of the world. He doesn’t instinctively hug people, kiss his girlfriend, or do any other sort of physical contact unless he reminds himself. It is the one thing about myself I wish I could change. I wish there was a button I could push and presto chango I would remember that people like hugs. They like to cuddle and hold hands. They don’t like it when you don’t remember. When you forget. It hurts them. They also don’t like when you weasel out of hugs and such. That hurts too. Somehow there are some neurons or something that don’t connect in me. Something that never got switched on. I hate to see it as a fault in me but I suppose it is. Most people don’t have to tell themselves, “Ok you will be seeing your friend today that you haven’t seen in a long time. Remember to hug her. Don’t be surprised when she hugs you.”

It used to be that bad and over time I have gotten more practice and behave on many levels of affection like a normal person. Yet, on a day to day basis I often forget to. It sucks. I feel like a freak because of it and I wish I knew of other people who are like me. Who have to remind themselves to pet their dogs, hug friends, and behave like a normal person. Because when H gives me a hug I really do like it. It’s just that in between the hug times that I forget and I wish I wouldn’t.