I feel I have been so serious lately. I’ve been focused on getting back to work, getting back into shape, getting into being the mother of three instead of just two little girls. It is all so time consuming. Such a massive run around that has me dedicating a lot of time to my own endeavors. I like it most of the time but it is certainly not balanced and it leads me to writing posts like this one. It stresses me out that I can’t continue the path that my parents put me on to complete a college education, it has become difficult with all of the responsibilities that I have, but if I ever get a chance to get back on that path I will definitely call a college admissions counselor to help me with that dream.
All the exhaustion has skewed life and made me less communicative too. Surly, often times as well. While it might not be totally balanced for right now I need to focus more on my relationship with H. In the end things will balance out because they have to, but also because I will have the support I need from him. He’ll be more likely to give it if he feels it coming from me.
Relationships are such a continual learning process. I feel like I have just found some giant book and cracked it open ready to learn its secrets. It’s more than what you put into is what you get out of it. It goes beyond the advice “Sometimes it is 50/50 on both partners part but sometimes it is 90/10 and you have to know it will turn around again otherwise it isn’t successful.” That’s paraphrasing but true. However, I suck at communicating when I have distractions (you know like three small kids, a dog that seems to like dropping shit nuggets 24/7 right now and oh, right life.) around me and that is something I really need to work on.
Also? Sometimes relationship rules and guidelines are like Groundhog Day. You wake up and realize it’s all the same as before but you still need to do it again. Over and over again in order to get where you need to be.
