Hello, It’s Been A While

Remember me?  I think it’s time to introduce myself again.

I’m Vicky. Mother to three girls, writer, dog mom to one Doberman, two-time Post-Partum Depression survivor, chronically ill with Lyme Disease and co-infections (#lymewarrior), domestic violence survivor, and fitness coach.  Whew!

What sets me apart from all the other blogs out there?  Nothing, but my own unique story, my take on life and the fact that I live by a ton of quotes (mostly film and TV-related) but this one in particular, “It ain’t about how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.” *

In my former life, before Lyme tried to take me down, I reviewed cars, wrote about fashion trends and picks. I talked about my early days of parenting back when Mommy blogs were all the rage.  I was paid to do all this and more. I was paid to make our life look pretty.  I wrote about trying to get & stay fit & a million things in between, including my marriage and going through marriage counseling twice.  Along the way, I got lost.  I lost my voice, my drive, my creativity, and need to share. Why?  As authentic as I sounded and was in those raw, real first days of blogging and the years that followed I was still trying to earn a dime.  I was looking for something that wasn’t what I needed or really wanted and it took me a long time to get there.

It took a year of not working due to being so sick from Lyme disease that some days I couldn’t dress myself or get my kids off to school.  Some days I was so exhausted that a shower was all I could do before having to lay in bed for a few hours to recoup my waning energy.

It took another year after the illness to see what my life really consisted of and that included my marriage.  My marriage was such a joke.  It was a fragile house in need of deep construction and repairs and I didn’t know why or how it had become such a termite-infested trash heap.  I didn’t know that root cause of all the troubles.  I just thought if I worked more, cleaned more, cooked better, worked on myself more and my health and ALL THE THINGS we constantly tell ourselves we need to do and strive for that it would all work out in the end.  It’s what we’re told. It’s what we read and hear non-stop. Am I right?

That isn’t what happened at all.  Do you know what happened? I had a lot of Avril Lavigne moments.  I was down so hard in my sickness that all I could say and pray was, “God, help me. Help me to keep my head up, to stop the pain, to keep from drowning in all of this.”  In those dark moments, I found beauty, life, resilience, perseverance and a deep faith that I hold incredibly dear today.  In Him, something I always had but didn’t trust enough, I found peace.  I found that no matter how scary it seemed and would actually be I would make it.  I would find a way to happiness, peace and away from the deep-rooted sadness that dwelled in my marriage and was seeping out into my home.

I would like to say that all this happened a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away (Star Wars fan alert! See, we are SO getting reacquainted!) but I’m still in it.  And suddenly I need to talk.  I need to tell you what it was like, what it is like.  I need you to know that we aren’t so very different maybe.  Survivors are survivors.  Chronic illness sufferers may have different symptoms but we still feel the same in so many ways.  Problems within a marriage may be different but we can relate.  I want to be strong for myself as well as my kids and that means both mentally and physically.  Hard to do anytime but with a chronic illness, it is doubly so.

Let’s start reading. Let’s start talking again.  Let’s start sharing.  I want to tell you my story.  I want to hear yours too.  If some cars, fitness, and fashion make their way back into this space that is OK too.