The holiday season can be stressful for everyone, but it’s an especially complicated time for children of divorce. On average, kids will spend 277 days out of the year with their custodial parent and 88 with their non-custodial parent.
However, because the holidays are a time when families come together, winter festivities can quickly turn this holly jolly time into a season of stress. If you’re navigating the holidays as a divorced parent this year, here are a few tips to keep in mind to keep your stress levels and your children’s under control.
Have a mediator if necessary
If you’ve gone through a recent divorce, you’re not alone. Approximately 2.4 million weddings are performed every year, which is roughly 44,230 weddings every weekend. Up to 50% of those marriages will end in divorce.
While some divorces go smoothly with no hard feelings, others can be messy, which makes planning for the holidays difficult. If you and your ex are having a hard time having a productive conversation, consider having a neutral child-focused mediator step in.
In 5% of custody cases, potential issues were resolved after a custody evaluation. A family therapist or child specialist that’s on neutral ground can provide insight and strategies for solutions that favor the child instead of either parent.
Consider family traditions
The holidays often involve family traditions. It’s important to consider how these traditions will be incorporated into your new parenting plan.
For instance, traditions on Christmas Eve might be more important to your family than those on Christmas Day, or it might be more important for you or your ex to celebrate the first night of Hanukkah with your child.
Keep in mind that it’s important to keep child exchanges to a minimum. If your kids have two weeks off from school, one parent might have the kids for one week while the other parent has them for the next. Parents can always switch schedules the next year.
Welcome new partners gradually
It might be tempting to use the holiday season as a way to incorporate new partners into your blended family. But you want to avoid the season as a way to force togetherness, especially if your kids aren’t yet in favor of your new partner.
Find ways to gradually introduce your new partner into your holiday traditions in ways that don’t hurt your kids’ feelings. For instance, consider going ice-skating together or doing other winter festivities that don’t directly impact your family traditions.
If you and your partner have been together for a while talk to a family therapist for guidance on handling the holiday season if your kids aren’t comfortable with your new partner. It’s not like you’re selling your house, which, even though it takes almost a year, could damage your relationship with your kids. Slow and steady introductions will win this race.
The holidays can be tricky when you’re celebrating them as a divorced parent. But by presenting a united front to your kids with your ex, with the guidance of a family attorney if needed, you can help to make the holiday season less stressful for everyone.
