I Hear Nothing

You know what woke me up this morning? Myself. Then I sat there and read for almost an hour. I completed my latest MPR review in under twenty minutes. Make-up is strewn all over my bathroom counter and I don't have to pick it up in fear that little hands will commence their own smear campaign.I'm meeting a friend for lunch today that I haven't seen since she visited me in the hospital with The Comedian. I don't have to be back at any time in particular.H and I saw a movie in the middle of the day. We came home felt it was too quiet and went out for dinner. Crayons with place mats not included. TD and The Comedian left for their Nana's yesterday. Since then H and I have had the most stupid looking grins on our faces. I can actually hear the fan on my laptop just humming away. The … [Read more...]

The Thirty Second Vacation

I once heard the comedian Louis C.K. (he's not for everyone, I'll admit.) say that every parent gets a thirty second vacation. It's that brief moment when you have buckled them into their car seat, shut the door and walk over to your own seat. In that small window of time there is silence from the incessant toddler chatter and it is a little bit of heaven. A thirty second vacation.Between the yelling of poo-poo pants (inside the bathroom only, but still...), non-stop questions that she has asked everyday, at the same time and just the noise. Oh, the noise. It never ends. I might just put the kids in the car and start circling it. You know, check the tires, my pockets, make sure my side mirrors are in the correct position and basically just get a few laps in. I'll crack the windows. Don't … [Read more...]

Mortality Looking Me Square in the Eye.

Last Friday I had my ultrasound appointment for my right breast. In the days leading up to it I could barely sleep. I felt exhausted mentally and then physically. Each night I would lie down and my brain, lethargic during the day would instantly whir to life. All the cogs moving at warp speed and what felt like a million thoughts began zipping along my own personal information super highway. I wasn't trying to be full of doom and gloom but with the pain persisting in my breast there was this constant reminder that something just wasn't right. I dreaded the ultrasound but couldn't wait for my questions to be answered. I couldn't take this lack of sleep and constant feeling of worry settling in my stomach. Questioning your mortality is one thing but throw in a husband and two kids … [Read more...]

Overheards- I am the Dog

Scene: The dinner table. Me: "Ooh, Comedian you look so much like your Daddy!"TD: "I look like my Daddy too! And you (pointing at me with her little plastic fork with much conviction), you look like the dog!"H doesn't even try to stifle a laugh.So what, this means I look like some white-muzzled, crotchety old Boston Terrier? That's just great.Later that night H cannot resist petting me and saying, "Good dog, Vicky. Good dog." (Insert snickering from H here.) When I tell him I'm going to kick his teeth in he simply replies, "Nice doggie. Be a good dog." It continues like this for ten more minutes complete with jokes about no treats and being put in my cage for not listening.And I wonder why I am having an identity crises.The whole time this was happening all I could think of was this scene … [Read more...]

Overheards- The Bedtime Edition

H is sitting on the couch icing his swollen, bloody nose. He has just come home from his last sparring/training session before his fight on Saturday. Tonight I actually got to ask the question, "Is that your blood on your shirt?" Nice. Overhead we hear TD not settling down for a long nights sleep but instead thudding around in her room. She has already been told if she doesn't settle down action will be taken. Action that includes taking away her beloved stuffed rabbit, Cuppy. Another thud can be heard coming from upstairs with a yell that can only be described as rebel-H: I've been punched in the nose way too many times today to fuck around with that kid.Guess that means I'll have to be the heavy tonight. … [Read more...]

Fight Club at My House

"The first rule of fight club is that you do not talk about fight club."A true gem of a film.So it's not exactly fight club but on Saturday night H will enter a ring and fight his first boxing match. The past few months he has spent training for this event (Read: his dream/my nightmare). He would come home from training and sparring sessions looking like Edward-Isthatyourbloodonyourshirt?-Norton. How people viewed this all at his office I do not know. The black eyes, the swollen nose, the bruised chin and bloody lip. All of them have made me incredibly squeamish. It's one thing to watch a boxing match on TV and entirely another to see someone you love willingly get the crap punched out of them. Not that H will have that happen but I'm prepared for the worse. And possibly some new teeth. … [Read more...]

Seven Months

At this moment you are sound asleep in your sweet peace your heels forming a v-shape. Those little toes look so tiny and entirely edible. Your sister wants nothing more than to kiss you right now but I don't believe in breaking the cardinal rule of baby care, "Never wake a sleeping baby." You are seven months old today and quite the contrary to how you look right now you are full of smiles, laughs and strong bursts of energy. Be warned however, you have strong competition in the cuteness department from your big sister. Yesterday she told me I was "her superhero" and that I "saved her" from the ginormous prehistoric cricket that was hell bent on dragging her into the depths of our basement. She was quite adamant on that last part. … [Read more...]

Have You Seen My Rose-Colored Glasses?

The radio in the kitchen is playing its familiar morning radio show, the smell of coffee is wafting through the house and all the bags from our trip are unpacked. I stand completely amazed that we made it up to CT and back without much of a blip. Nothing blogworthy to write about in two whole eight hour drives. I just might have a place in parental history.I want to say a big thank you to our fellow travelers at the Delaware rest stop who stopped by our lunch table to remark on what beautiful children I have. It brightened my day and gave me a bit more energy to get back into the car with my two "angels". It would have been even better if one of those fellow travelers had read my mind and gotten me a steaming hot latte from the nearby SBUX, but no worries. This trip gets mixed … [Read more...]

$2 Underpants and an Early Bird Special

I'm wearing $2 Walmart underwear with a plastic peace sign hanging on them. Can you say teeny bopperesque? Yup. I'm going to admit it is the first time I've bought the big W underwear and I can only describe a lot of it as eye-searing tricktastic looking. The 3 a.m. hookers in the District might think it is too loud. At 3:59 p.m. yesterday I realized that both my parents had whole dinner plates full of food in front of them and they were eating...um, dinner. I had dinner at 4 o'clock people! Isn't that earlier than the early bird special? It is day four of intense clouds, rain and low temps. For my probable last trip up to the New England area it is kind of a bust. I'm missing the beach but the idea of dragging a baby and toddler to the cloudy sea is not an idea that is going to … [Read more...]