Queue the ridiculously bad and entirely inappropriate except for the song title Barry Manilow song, 'Looks Like We Made It' The girls and I had hit the road yesterday around 4:30 a.m. Typical of TD to stay awake for the whole drive and consume her weight in goldfish crackers while watching 'Bolt' two times in a row before screaming, "I just cannot watch Bolt again!"To the woman at the Woodrow Wilson rest stop with the white fluffball of a dog: Thanks for telling me my kids are so well cute and well-behaved and all. However? So not cool to then dash into the bathroom ahead of us and take the only handicap stall. Thus leaving me, one antsy toddler and The Comedian in a baby carrier car seat to squish ourselves into a Jersey Turnpike single person bathroom stall. I like being close to my … [Read more...]
Road Trippin’
It's Friday and while I'm flummoxed by the whole Japanese rent-a-cat trend my mind is also wandering in the planning direction. My anal retentive list mania is peaking as I get ready for my first solo road trip with two kids. We leave next week and I think I have four separate lists going already. I'm OCD planner. My parents think I have a death wish. My father asked me what I was trying to prove. Only a nutball would want to drive for eight hours with two small kids. I keep telling TD this will be some grand adventure. A grand adventure that will involve not kicking the back of the car seat, any yelling in the car and many, many snacks and DVDs. She thinks it sounds like quite the kick ass time.Any advice about taking a trip like this with wee ones is appreciated. And no, Valium is … [Read more...]
Cruisin’
Part two of Nostalgia week continues today-When the air turned warmer and the sun dipped below the horizon my parents would sometimes turn to me at the dinner table and say, "Hey, Vic- you want to go cruisin' tonight?" "Yeah!" I would reply and off we would go, all of us piling into my parents silver Datsun 200 SX. I loved that car, no matter what time of year it was it always had beach sand in it and it perpetually smelled like sunscreen and summer.Off we would go driving around the coastline of Lil' Rhody often ending up in Weekapaug at a scenic overlook. I would gaze out at the ocean and its vastness, so dark and churning and only a bit out of reach. The stars overhead twinkled as Wolfman Jack played on the radio. We cruised to music that is still around today. I think for my … [Read more...]
I’m Not Winning Any Awards Over Here
It's been one of those weeks where I'm quite sure my neighbors are thinking, "What in the world is going on over there!?! That crazy lady's kids are always crying!" Umm... yeah. I feel like I should be labeled with 'The Worst Mother of the Year' award.It is not that I'm sitting back trying to catch up on a season's worth of Grey's Anatomy or anything either. I'm simply trying to just get through each and every day. No matter what I do though there is always crying or whining in the background. I try to take out the trash and there is crying. I am loading or unloading the dishwasher and someone begins to whine. I am trying to keep the floor clean and both kids are going at once. This is not a case of trying to keep it all pristine and perfect either. I know too well that lesson that … [Read more...]
Memories of my Grandfather
Sometimes when the whole house is still asleep, I will creep downstairs and read in the orange glow of my small kitchen light. I will pour myself a cup of coffee, settle into the quiet of my house, and just lose myself in whatever book I am reading. Later when I unfurl myself from my hunchback sitting position as I simultaneously realize that the sun has come up I remember this-Sometimes in the still dark early morning, I would creep out from beneath my Rocky and Bullwinkle sheets and peer out into the darkened hallway of my grandparent’s house. The sounds of my grandmother snoring quietly filled the space down at the end of the hall. Peering down the other end of the hall would always be one constant thing. The golden light over the kitchen table that would encircle my grandfather as … [Read more...]
What’s Your Dorkitude?
Amy Dickinson, from the advice column 'Ask Amy', says she possesses 'dorkitude'. I like the feel of the needle entering my skin just as I'm about to have blood drawn. Maybe that isn't 'dorkitude' so much as just a bit of the freak in me.J'adore Presidential history. When I was a kid I had my encyclopedia's bookmarked on all the Presidents, had a giant Presidential poster that I would read each day and liked to frequently sprinkle Presidential factoids into everyday conversation. If that isn't dorkitude, I don't know what is.I just used 'j'adore' to talk about Presidential history. That really should have been sufficient.I have my own version of the 'Elaine' dance that I break out when I want to really make H squirm.I still buy history text books at used book stores for use during my 'free … [Read more...]
Got Cancer? Hopefully, No.
Two weeks ago I got off a plane at Logan Airport in Boston, went into the women's room and as I washed my hands I noticed a red bump under my left eye. A sty? Drat! Mainly annoying and sometimes itchy I assumed it would clear up in a few days.A week later and no longer itchy the bump was still there. This time with new scaly action. My friend suggested applying hydro-cortisone cream to it and dutifully I did. The scaly bump stayed put. It just shed itself like a snake and resumed squatting on my face. I took matters into my own hands and tried anti-fungal cream. Gross, but maybe it would help. The evil scaly red spot would not budge. When I touched down into DC earlier this week after a trip to the desert the first thing I did was call my trusty, if not "Is it Safe" … [Read more...]
Open Letter to Ontario Airport Security
Ontario, CA that is. Not the Canuck one. To Whom it May Concern at the Ontario TSA: On my April 20 jaunt through your sadly depleted of all food services airport (seriously?! it was 4 pm and all restaurants were closed at 2 pm! Hello! Starvation!!) I was welcomed by not one but five security staff as I ran my bags through your security system. Clearly, you all have a lot of time on your hands. I abide by your rules to a 't'. I removed my shoes and laptop. My bag, shoes and special baggie of 3 ounce toiletries were placed in the bin and my laptop in a separate one. See? Rule follower, that is me! I waited my turn in line to go through the metal detector like a good citizen too. Oh wait, there wasn't a line. It was just me. Still, I passed with flying colors. I sprinted bare foot to … [Read more...]
They Call it the Gates of Hell
I forgot how the air smelled here. It's quite pleasant really. I can't even describe it. I also forgot how long the roads seem out here in the desert even after having my favorite version of Tom Yum soup (like ambrosia from the gods, I swear). Then after getting stuck in Coachella traffic, being in the sitting position for the last ten hours and banging around two airports, I wanted to hurt someone. The arid desert landscape was not renewing my senses either. It's a beautiful 98 degrees here. I drove by our first house that we had left six years previous and my old office. As I drove by old haunts I realized that the 'not comfy in my own skin', extreme loneliness feeling I had when I lived here was overcoming me again. I missed my family and immediately wanted to hear TD and The Comedian's … [Read more...]
The Comedian
So, what is up with you acting like a five day old Wolverine baby? All gnashing gums and razor fingers ripping at my decolletage. You find it all highly and sickly amusing. Are you illin' or just up to your usual tricks? Internets, I would like to introduce you to The Comedian. Formerly known as Dash Two this little bundle of non-stop giggles has shown us she has quite a sadistic *cough* er interesting sense of humor. Exhibit A:Me: Gaah!! Must nurse! Let's go Dash Two - feed!Dash Two nurses for 2 seconds, breaks off, looks up at me and smiles. Then laughs. She repeats this painful little move about nine more times. TD finds it all very hysterical. Me? Not so much.Exhibit B:Dash Two wakes up and I pick her up. She stinks. As I begin to change her my finger lands in something … [Read more...]