You know what's a great way to start a day? First, take a baby that has been blissfully sleeping through the night for the past week and allow them to wake you up every two hours. Said baby is not content at just seeing you enter her room but instead glares at you, flails her arms about and screams as if to say, "Hey, Feedbag! Hustle! Feedbag, Hustle!" Second, add in a Tiny Dictator who awakens at 4:45 a.m. to wet the bed. More screaming and hot tears ensue and just as H, who thankfully got up to take care of that hot mess of problems, crashes back into bed the dog throws up rather loudly into her crate right next to you. The smell permeates the room in about 2.5 seconds and you realize you have no choice but to start the day.The laundry monster you spent all day slaying the day … [Read more...]
Quick! Call Nanny 911
Yesterday was one of those days. Desperate emails were sent out to my close friends with sentences along the lines of, "I love her but I don't like her." and "I no longer know what to do." TD is three and has turned from being the cheeky, lovable imp of a dictator, you know sort of like Mussolini in sprite form, if Mussolini would have ever considered sprites and fascism a wise political move, to all out Pol Pot mode. Seriously. The hell fire back talk that has begun in the last day or so is vicious. I would not be surprised if I found her using a grizzled bone to pick her teeth with as she squatted on her bed with a three-headed dog at her feet. I might have to start referring to her as Zuul. It's that bad. I am at a loss on how to discipline someone who in a split second goes … [Read more...]
Ringling Bros.and Barnum & Bailey is Over the Top
As a kid I absolutely loved the circus. It's perfect only child entertainment. No need to bring a friend and you don't need siblings to enjoy the festivities either. I loved the lights, the animals and especially the aerial acts. When MomCentral and Feld Entertainment asked me if I would like to help them out with the DC Metro area promotion I jumped at the chance to participate in the 'Greatest Show on Earth'. It was a great night for the whole family even if TD was a little bewildered at first. She refused to have her picture taken with the performers we were able to meet before the show and even when we took our seats. However, once the show got started she loved watching the dog tricks, elephant paint, clowns cavort and see Daniel Raffo and his Bengal and Siberian Tigers. She … [Read more...]
Month Four a.k.a. I should be quarantined
Here we are in the thick of month four. Just when I thought we were getting the hang of this whole, "Holy Schnikes! We've got two kids! Batten down the hatches! The house is going to explode with diapers and tiny plastic toys!!" thing I go and get strep throat. Uh, yeah.There's that pesky thing they tell you about when you are post partum. Get sleep. Lack of sleep can put you over the edge and land you in the arid world (complete with sandworms!) of post partum depression. Ha! Thanks for that insight doc! By the way you got a kid in preschool, the whole climate change thing (frost! no frost! shorts today. wool beanies tomorrow.), plus you are breast-feeding? Well then, pack it in lady because you are as good as having the Black Death for the next few months. Did we mention that being … [Read more...]
Angry Woman Kicks 1,4-Dioxane to the Curb
I'll admit I'm a bit cantankerous today. I was up all night with TD who has a hellacious cough and the poor kid is just not herself. Combine that lack of sleep with an issue that just generally gets me riled up anyway and you've got one angry woman on your hands.That must mean it is time for a SOAP BOX RANT! I've climbed up. Attention please! Let me begin.I love my kids. I want what is best for them in every possible way. I want them to feel safe and secure at all times. Their welfare and health is at the tip top of my list on a daily basis. So that is why I get so steaming, hell-fire breathing mad when I read that companies that many parents have trusted for generations, companies that love to court us mommy bloggers, just really don't give a shit. There. I said it. They don't. … [Read more...]
On Life, Death and Our Children
I have never felt so inadequate or so much like an adult as when I attended my friend's mothers funeral a few weeks ago. I was alone in attending and unlike other funerals I didn't have my grandmother, or my father or my husband to lean on. As I sat there listening to my friend and her sister eulogize their mother with such tremendous poise and grace I felt that we were passing into a new phase of our lives that needed plenty past life healing. Our parents are dying now. We have officially grown up. Then I thought back to my childhood and remembered a few of my school friends whose parents passed away due to long illnesses while we were still in grade school. In first grade I celebrated my birthday with cupcakes at 8 a.m. so that the whole class could attend a fellow classmates fathers … [Read more...]
Free To Just Be
Ever since we found out we were going to be parents H and I knew that we would without a doubt let our kids feel free to be themselves. Their quirks and personalities, likes and dislikes were free to gad about and we would not try to stifle them. Lefties are welcome just like kids with blue hair and opposing political views.Then the other day I realized we actually haven't been doing that. TD has some wildly untamable hair and everyday we run the gamut of detangler, soaking every layer and then combing it out. "Combing out the weave" is what H calls it. It's definitely a process and one that goes completely AWOL about ten minutes later. Inevitably I end up combing her whole head about three more times in a day. If I don't do this it looks like a pack of rabid squirrels ran through it while … [Read more...]
PR People Plot My Ruin
The key to success with any diet or err.. life change is that one has to take the focus off the main subject. Read: STOP THINKING ABOUT FOOD ALL DAY YOU GREEDY GIRL! Also? Stop thinking that the cute orange food monster on Weight Watchers looks like a fun and lovable companion that you would like to share a scone and afternoon with as well. So this um, life change is doubly hard when all I've been getting from PR folks the last few days is constant weight loss pitches. 'The All You Can Eat Cookie Diet!' - the pitch included picks of stars featured in US Weekly and more, all who purportedly used the noshing cookie diet and lost massive amounts of squish. Pah! 'EATALL' Snack yourself slim! Really? Just stop talking to me about snacking! It's snacking that is my downfall and how I became … [Read more...]
We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Wire Hangers
We've got plates! Yup, that's right. When Mummy gets mad in this house plates get broken. Sorry, Crate and Barrel. I guess dishwasher-safe is no longer enough. You need to start making Mummy-safe plates now too.Behold, Exhibit A:After a day of non-stop teething induced screaming and fretfulness from Dash Two, H calling to say he would be home "a bit late" and TD going into the classic terrible three meltdown mode I just lost it. I was cutting up tiny bite-sized pieces of steak for her and the screaming was just non-stop from everyone in the house. I yelled, "Enough!" and slammed the knife and fork down on the plate and it just cracked.Can you tell I like my steak rare? Mmmm...blood.Episode 7 of Exposed Brick is NOW! Seriously, if you aren't watching this you might as well crawl back under … [Read more...]
Three Months
Now just because you're three months doesn't mean you can keep waking up three times a night. … [Read more...]