Scene: TD and I have spent the morning running errands. Stuck at a stoplight and noshing on some lunch time treats we are on our way home for the remainder of the day. TD: "Momma? Can we have veg-ah-tahbuhls when we get home and have dinner tonight?"V: "Yes, of course. We always do. Why?"TD: "Oh, good! Because if you don't eat your veg-ah-tahbuhls then you cough up blood and die!"V: Coughing on a piece of I turn around to look at her. "Whaaat? Why would you cough up blood?"TD: "Like Mem's cousin. He coughed up blood and died."V: "Of course!" I think to myself, mentally smacking my forehead with my hand. Mem. "Uh, TD, Mem's cousin didn't die because he didn't eat his vegetables. He died because of alcoholism and smoking." Lengthy discussion about what alcoholism and the … [Read more...]
I Love the Smell of Torture in the Morning
Running. Three miles. A 5k's worth. Five miles. Each week it increases. I've yet to find a route I like. The hills around here- they break me. You would think I would be a finely tuned running machine by now but I'm more like a cranky, old dog who has lost her bite. Cross-training three times a week. It's back to Body Pump at the gym since Shredding has effed up my knees something fierce. Oh wait, that's right. I can't seem to drag my ass to an actual Body Pump class to save my life. I think of those disc weights and triceps curls and I turn into a whiny toddler who is two hours past her nap and in a downward spiral of a lost sugar high. Just to punish myself more I have decided to add in a Detox. No sugar, no carbs, no dairy, very little if any meat. I'm blaming it on the few … [Read more...]
The Last Pancake
Scene: Breakfast is over for this Sunday morning and clean up has begun. I notice that there is one last pancake left.V: I pick up the pancake and say, "Dare me to chuck this last pancake at the dog's head?"H: "Go for it."I lob it at the dog and it grazes her cheek. Considering the fact that this is a dog that can catch adult-sized birds in mid-flight I am a bit surprised that she doesn't grab a hold of this flying snack. It lands on the floor next to her and in seconds the dog, TD and The Comedian are on this lone pancake like a pack of hungry wolves. After a few minutes of wrestling with her sister and the dog, The Comedian crawls away with only a glance back. Having been nearly shanked by the dog's talons of death she realizes that whatever tiny scrap of pancake she was going to … [Read more...]
Randomness #235- I look like Harry Potter
-Those crazy folks at Poo-pourri are at it again- "Poo~Pourri is a spray deodorizer designed to be sprayed directly onto the toilet bowl water before you go. The secret blend essential oils create a film on the surface of the toilet water that acts as a barrier to trap odors inside." Secret blend? Makes me think of the Colonel's secret blend of herbs and spices and to never wanting to eat fried chicken ever again.-I stopped shredding and gained four pounds. Probably because I also consumed four pounds of cadbury eggs, chocolate marshmallow bunnies and a load of Hershey products all in a few short weeks. My insides feel disgusting. Time to detox! Who's coming with me?!-I read that Speidi will be honeymooning in Mexico. Can it be true? Will the apocalypse caused by this union be diverted if … [Read more...]
Cadbury Egg You Are My Precious
Easter is but a few days away and like a squirrel preparing for winter I've been hoarding Cadbury Creme Eggs like the end of the world is nigh. I cannot seem to dash into a CVS or Wegman's without throwing one on the counter along with my other purchases. OK, can't seem to leave without four of those decadent eggy treats. Yes, four. When I get home I tuck them away into a safe hiding place.Then, when the house is all quiet and the kids are napping and H is out of sight, I break one of those delightfully delicious eggs out. I hold it in the palm of my hand, lament how small it is getting (smaller again this year! Damn you Hershey's! The egg used to be a supreme 1.6 ounces. Then 1.4., now 1.2 this year- you are running dangerously close to a bad fondant/chocolate ratio Hershey! Stop messing … [Read more...]
I Cry Do Over!
So yesterday was a total wash. At least as far as living a healthy shredding lifestyle. There were doctor appointments for me and TD, and a sleepless night broke us. Numerous visits to the pharmacy and I finally got to see the psychiatrist for my postpartum depression diagnosis. It was simply put a very long and exhausting day. Do any of us really want to review our whole psych history in under an hour and dredge up all our little and not so little issues in that short amount of time? No, not really. Do we want to leave that cozy office with its box of endless tissues and go out into the blaring sun and head back into our everyday life? Not me. I just wanted to take a big nap.I did learn one thing yesterday. When I'm stressed and tired it is oh so clear that I reach for one thing. … [Read more...]
Let the New Year Begin
When you buy a peanut butter chocolate pie it just looks so divine. So tasty. You cannot wait to dip your fork into it and savor every bite.You have no idea the pie will meets its end like this-You think you are so civilized and then you spend New Year's with old college friends and you realize that despite owning the home, having the 2.5 kids and a dog you still end up like this on New Year's. H and co-conspirator in the pie demise, Jen. So much for keeping it simple. It took an entire day to clean that kitchen up and I'm sure there is still bits of pie stuck to some surface or other. … [Read more...]
What’s for Dinner?
I just devoured a plate of mozzarella cheese sticks. Sshh... TD has no idea. In the oven is a batch of mac n' cheese that will be our lunch. Yeah, it's organic and all but still. It's carbs and butter and more carbs. All cheesy goodness. If I decide to throw in a side of veggies its just to ease some guilt in the child rearing department.I look at this meal and I think, "So why on earth do people think my house is so hard to cook for?" The subject came up at last nights GNO because on our street we cook for anyone who has had surgery, a hard time or a new baby. It's about a weeks worth of food and everyone is assigned a night to bring it by and ease the burden of thinking, "Crap! I'm covered in breast milk and up to my ears in diapers and now I have to think about what's for dinner?!" It's … [Read more...]
Scenes from a Getaway
Hey look! It's a pregnant lady eating ice cream. Go figure. Gratuitous beach/cute kid shot. Now that is a clamcake! Or fritter if you are like not from South County Rhode Island and want to be a weirdo or something. This is in no way a crab cake. It's all fried dough goodness. At last count I consumed about ten of them. Check out the classic scenic wood paneling on the walls. This place hasn't changed since the 1950s. My parents went on dates here and now T.D. climbs into her favorite chair like she's a regular. It does not get any better than that. … [Read more...]
Dear Trader Joe’s
Dear Trader Joe's,It is Joe right? Not Giotto, Jose or whatever alias you might feel like going by today? I'm on to you. I will admit you snuck one by me and I'm very disappointed in you Joe. Very disappointed.When I visited your open and friendly store just last week you were chocked full of delightful supplies. Even your bathroom was clean and sweet smelling. I purchased many items from you as I am wont to do when I set foot on your premises. Each. And. Every. Time. You suck me in Joe. I am truly a sucker for you. So when I saw your delicious, fresh key lime pie I knew I had to have you. Have you I did as I proudly placed you on the register to be scanned. I placed you lovingly in my car and took you home with me. Oh beautiful not scary green key lime pie. Not too tart, not … [Read more...]