Scene: The dinner table. Me: "Ooh, Comedian you look so much like your Daddy!"TD: "I look like my Daddy too! And you (pointing at me with her little plastic fork with much conviction), you look like the dog!"H doesn't even try to stifle a laugh.So what, this means I look like some white-muzzled, crotchety old Boston Terrier? That's just great.Later that night H cannot resist petting me and saying, "Good dog, Vicky. Good dog." (Insert snickering from H here.) When I tell him I'm going to kick his teeth in he simply replies, "Nice doggie. Be a good dog." It continues like this for ten more minutes complete with jokes about no treats and being put in my cage for not listening.And I wonder why I am having an identity crises.The whole time this was happening all I could think of was this scene … [Read more...]
It’s Like I Don’t Know My Own Blog Anymore
My brain is a bit fuzzy today. Probably from all the buzzing it has been doing this morning as I try and get a grasp on what this blog is really all about. See, I'm going to be on a little radio show this afternoon (2pm EST) called, Role Mommy and Friends. I just know that the big question will be what this blog is all about and quite frankly I'm still trying to figure that one out. MPR has the reviews. And sure, I have issues that I hold near and dear and write about from time to time but it's not like I have some sort of niche. Not unless you count the daily tightrope act that I do where I try not to be a diabolical cross between Bree van de Kamp and Mommie Dearest. I'm having a bit of an identity crises lately. How do you see this blog? Why do you read it? Help me Internets, you … [Read more...]
She Thinks She’s Jesus
TD walks into the room, beaded Mardi Gras style necklaces draped diagonally across her body and says, "Look, Mommy! I'm Jesus." The scene repeats itself over and over again on the stairs and in other rooms in the house. Daily.Then earlier this morning she was having a conversation with her little friend, Wagee. When I say little I mean it. Wagee is an ant that made its way into our kitchen and TD has been trying to take Wagee all over the house. Mainly though they hang out in a corner of the kitchen. As if the Jesus thing wasn't starting to weird me out a tad this whole, tiny pest-like friend in the kitchen thing positively wreaks of memories from a certain dead pop star and his childhood friend, Ben. Shall I remind you people that Ben was a rat. What's next? An oxygen tank in her … [Read more...]
On The Nightstand
I've been inspired this week by the summer reading bug, Newsweek and the blog, Everyday I Write the Book. I'm an avid reader, typically reading about 3 books and 2 magazines at a time. I read standing up while cooking dinner, I read in the car while waiting even if it's for a mere moment. I scatter reading material all about the house so that there is always something handy if I have a free second to read. When Newsweek devoted a whole issue this week to author interviews, a revised 'must' read lists and the pure joy that is reading I found myself in a state of bliss. I had just finished 'Testimony' by Anita Shreve and I'm working my way through these two books as well. Books are piling up on my nightstand and my local library just waiting for me to unleash their secret worlds. A … [Read more...]
I’m Killing Me
I've been thinking about death a lot lately. Who can blame me what with the death of Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays and now Karl Malden. Last night I dreamt that Christina Aguilera delivered my baby in between concert sets while on tour in Japan. Don't dreams of birth actually mean death? It probably also doesn't help that I've been contributing to my own death this week as well. I don't know how it happen but somehow I have a pack of cigarettes in my house and they are rapidly depleting. Can I blame the economy? How about the lack of paid work I have right now? Yeah, that's it. Take my meager earnings and blow it on kill sticks. That's wicked smot. It doesn't help that I have a partner in crime living right in my house either. Just when I think of throwing the … [Read more...]
Just Pump It
Today felt as if it was the first day I went back to the gym post The Comedian. I joined the gym back in January and went regularly until I decided to become a Shredhead and train for a 5k. I ignored the class schedule taped up on the fridge and never gave it a second thought. After the 5k however, I felt I needed more. Since The Comedian has officially weaned herself with a snub nose and stiff arm to my chest I figured now was the best time. I can lose my weight and get toned up again. Simple. Heh.Before The Comedian I took a class that was all weights for an hour and a half a few times a week and I loved it. It challenged me and totally re-shaped my form. I felt fantastic and that I looked better than before I had TD. This new gym has Body Pump. Sounds fun, huh? Each time I … [Read more...]
Proud of My Mans
"So how do you feel knowing that your husband is about to go into the ring and get punched in the face?" Um.. I'm hoping that I don't have a toothless spouse at the end of the night? I'm really not into that whole "I go no teefesus" look."What was it like seeing him up in the ring fighting?" Scary. Fun. Weird to know that now people know how much chest hair that man has. Heh."Are you excited? Do you feel like you are going to throw up or do you just want to see him wail on some dude?" Wail on the dude, not pour blood out of his face or make me have to yell things like, "I smell bacon! F the police H! Bring home the bacon, baby!" Obviously, H was fighting a cop.I think I got asked these questions about ninety-bazillion times the night of H's fight. It is as if people were surprised that I … [Read more...]
Urine Reviews
Get it? Heh. I'm in product reviews. Bum, dum, dum... File this under products I will not be reviewing- The Whiz Freedom. It's 'lily-shaped' and much like the Pocket Pee for men The Whiz (I bet nobody can be it!) is cheap, purple and is great for women who have to pee on the run. Literally. I can see the benefit for some but really? You think I'm going to review kid DVDs, mascara or a car one week and the next I'm going to be talking about my experiences peeing into a purple lily?! Do I talk about the need for my own portable pee bag that often? Incidentally, when I searched this device a bunch of ads for Virginia gonorrhea came up as well. Many residents of Toronto choose Mom Loft for pelvic health solutions, with proven benefits from the B-Pulse Chair available here: … [Read more...]
I Wanna Rock With You
Dear E,I am sad today. Michael Jackson has died and while I wasn't a fan of his later stuff (minus Remember the Time and that Home Alone kid in his videos) I have such fond memories of us dancing to 'Rock With You' while I toiled away at my after school job at CVS. You perfected those dance moves and it always made me laugh so hard to watch you do the leg kick move while I stood behind the register waiting on sick customers and kids buying their first box of condoms (with a pack of gum, of course). And who could forget you kissing your MJ poster each night before bed. Red leather jacket, sequined glove and all.Watch the awesome dance moves here. (Damn removal of the embedding code. Curses! YouTube! Foiled Again!) … [Read more...]
Jennifer Weiner’s New BFF
Recently, I had the opportunity to interview best-selling novelist Jennifer Weiner about her new book, Best Friends Forever (debuting July 14, 2009). To say I was ecstatic would be an understatement. I have enjoyed reading Weiner's book since the very beginning. I can still remember a cross-country flight that was fun and relaxing because I was reading, In Her Shoes (now a major motion picture), the whole time.1. The theme of female friendship is the common thread that all your previous books have in common. However, the opening to “Best Friends Forever” plays out like a suspense thriller. How is this book different from your others?I wanted to weave elements of suspense and a highly compressed time frame in to a more traditional narrative about the way two girls came together and grew … [Read more...]