I think my head exploded in my sleep last night. I keep hearing "sounds like someone has a case of the Monday's..." in my head and my cranky pants are already chafing me. It is barely 9 a.m.Hooray for days without sleep! Watch out world! Mummy is feeling crazy and has already gone off the rails! I'm a single parent for a few days and all TD can say is, "I want my Daddy." Probably because tired, ass-dragging, non-working out Mommy has become 'Mean Mommy' full of deadlines, tasks and little patience. I have the hardest time going to sleep and staying asleep these days and yet I'm exhausted beyond belief. I wouldn't even let myself watch 'True Blood' last night in fear that it would further inhibit my sleep mojo. As it was I fell asleep reading 'My Booky Wook' on my chest. I'm sure … [Read more...]
The Tinge T’aint for Me
From the file of products I will not be reviewing:The Tinge Razor/Vibrator - Honestly I thought it was a joke. It arrived in my inbox (is that dirty?) on April Fool's day and was so cheeky I didn't think it could be real. I mean really, would you want a razor that doubles as a vibrator. I know it is water resistant and can last up to a whopping three hours but it just seems a tad dangerous to me. Not as dangerous as this, but still. Blades. Soft, unrepairable tissue with tons of nerve endings. Doesn't seem like a good combo to me. Also? The name Tinge? It sounds a bit like 'singe' which I imagine might happen to you if things went catastrophically wrong one day when it you decided to use this as more than a razor. … [Read more...]
Randomness #234
According to a recent survey conducted between November and February on Twitter (so you know it's scientiftastically reliable) people have been swearing more since the recession. Huh. If swearing weren't so uncouth I would probably add a pleasant MoFo and SOB/Whore into almost every sentence. Can't help it, I admit to liking the sailor talk.When I was a kid I liked to watch Mark Russell on PBS. I'm quite sure my parents feared playground beatings on a daily basis. As it was no one would share a locker with me because of my political dorkiness.Kiddie spas annoy me like a sharp piece of barbed wire stuck in my craw. When I pass by the one at my local mega-shopping-plex I want to picket it and/or grab the girls inside and teach them about self-worth being about more than your complexion and … [Read more...]
A Star is Born. Heh.
I am not crafty by any means but when TD's 'dee-dee' (a.k.a. her pink security blanket) needed mending I skedaddled my butt over to the craft emporium known as Jo-Ann Fabrics. Stores like that just lose me. I circled the aisles looking for pink embroidery thread and just wanted out. The lines were not to be believed with some clever maze of candy for at least 30 feet before you hit the register. Need cute baby Easter socks? Only a dollar! Yes, please! I mean what else do you get a 5 month old for Easter?I digress though. As I stood there in line picking up a pack of Twizzlers and a Whatchamacallit to pass the time I noticed the woman in front of me staring at me. After a few minutes she said, "I know you from somewhere." I didn't recognize her at all. "You must have had a child in … [Read more...]
Why I Spat also known as My New Job
As if reviewing products, making vain attempts to make you all laugh on a daily basis, writing for other websites and more I've decided to take on yet another new job. In the coming months you will notice that at different times in this space there will be teasers regarding my adventures with my past pregnancies, being genotyped and a whole other realm of experiences I have had relating to both subjects. I'm working with 23andMe to help them establish their online pregnancy community. It is our hope that through this venue more patterns can be established, links built and research can be done relating to women's health and pregnancy.If you want to read my first post, 'Why I Spat', "Good genes or bad genes I am not sure there is such a thing. It is a vast lottery of our pasts and our future … [Read more...]
It’s a Good Morning All Around
You know what's a great way to start a day? First, take a baby that has been blissfully sleeping through the night for the past week and allow them to wake you up every two hours. Said baby is not content at just seeing you enter her room but instead glares at you, flails her arms about and screams as if to say, "Hey, Feedbag! Hustle! Feedbag, Hustle!" Second, add in a Tiny Dictator who awakens at 4:45 a.m. to wet the bed. More screaming and hot tears ensue and just as H, who thankfully got up to take care of that hot mess of problems, crashes back into bed the dog throws up rather loudly into her crate right next to you. The smell permeates the room in about 2.5 seconds and you realize you have no choice but to start the day.The laundry monster you spent all day slaying the day … [Read more...]
Quick! Call Nanny 911
Yesterday was one of those days. Desperate emails were sent out to my close friends with sentences along the lines of, "I love her but I don't like her." and "I no longer know what to do." TD is three and has turned from being the cheeky, lovable imp of a dictator, you know sort of like Mussolini in sprite form, if Mussolini would have ever considered sprites and fascism a wise political move, to all out Pol Pot mode. Seriously. The hell fire back talk that has begun in the last day or so is vicious. I would not be surprised if I found her using a grizzled bone to pick her teeth with as she squatted on her bed with a three-headed dog at her feet. I might have to start referring to her as Zuul. It's that bad. I am at a loss on how to discipline someone who in a split second goes … [Read more...]
Ringling Bros.and Barnum & Bailey is Over the Top
As a kid I absolutely loved the circus. It's perfect only child entertainment. No need to bring a friend and you don't need siblings to enjoy the festivities either. I loved the lights, the animals and especially the aerial acts. When MomCentral and Feld Entertainment asked me if I would like to help them out with the DC Metro area promotion I jumped at the chance to participate in the 'Greatest Show on Earth'. It was a great night for the whole family even if TD was a little bewildered at first. She refused to have her picture taken with the performers we were able to meet before the show and even when we took our seats. However, once the show got started she loved watching the dog tricks, elephant paint, clowns cavort and see Daniel Raffo and his Bengal and Siberian Tigers. She … [Read more...]
The Biggest Weakling
Oh.My.Lord.I would not say I was over confident by any means. I finally finished Level 1 of the 30 Day Shred yesterday and I knew if I was going to make any more progress I was going to just have to jump into Level 2 today. Then there was that tax email from H that had loads of questions that were just burning to be answered. Being the dutiful partner that I am I got right to it. Not that I was putting off shredding or anything. *cough*First, let me just say that Level 2 has music that sounds like a bad 70s porno full of "wang, wang, wang" sounds. Intentional? Perhaps. Second, Level 2 is like entering the fifth ring of hell with all its plank positions and major ab work. There are teeny tiny muscles in my shoulders that thought they could quietly atrophy into themselves but Jillian … [Read more...]
Month Four a.k.a. I should be quarantined
Here we are in the thick of month four. Just when I thought we were getting the hang of this whole, "Holy Schnikes! We've got two kids! Batten down the hatches! The house is going to explode with diapers and tiny plastic toys!!" thing I go and get strep throat. Uh, yeah.There's that pesky thing they tell you about when you are post partum. Get sleep. Lack of sleep can put you over the edge and land you in the arid world (complete with sandworms!) of post partum depression. Ha! Thanks for that insight doc! By the way you got a kid in preschool, the whole climate change thing (frost! no frost! shorts today. wool beanies tomorrow.), plus you are breast-feeding? Well then, pack it in lady because you are as good as having the Black Death for the next few months. Did we mention that being … [Read more...]