Scene: H & I sitting in a darkened den watching the brain suckage that is the passing of the countries during the Olympics opening ceremony. The excitement could not be contained as we exclaimed over countries wardrobe choices and wondered when the real festivities would begin.Me: Augh! Who the hell is that jackass yokel?! Look at the way he is sitting with his legs splayed out. Bored, much? Dude! You are on television! At least look like you are lucky to be there!seconds later...Me: Oh crap. That yokel is the President of the United States.H: Proceeds to laugh so hard he falls completely off the couch, his body in a tight ball as he wheezes and laughs even harder until he almost cries or pees. Whichever comes first in non-pregnant men. The phrase, "That's classic!" utters forth in … [Read more...]
Green Nail Polish is Not Cool for School
I'm going to visit another pre-school today, where I hope the words "intense", "competitive" and "schedule your child into therapy from the stress of this uber-expensive learning center" do not spill out of the administrators mouth. I just want a tour and not to feel like I have to buy a time-share or something. I think it is safe to say though that I should remove the yellow and blue makes green nail polish I slopped onto my fingernails on Sunday night in a fit of boredom. When your toddler calls you "silly" and so does the three year-old next door, it might be time to change the polish color. I'm probably being checked out just as much as my kid, if not more, while touring these bastions of tiny education.Does this mean I have to be a room mother at some point? I only do cupcakes, … [Read more...]
Wish for a Day? Try a Week.
"If you could have one wish for the day, what would it be?" This popped into my head last week and I thought, "Ha! Easy! I wish H, and all other men, could know what it is like, REALLY like to be pregnant." However, a day would just not cut it. Give me a week. And no empathy bellies, please!A week for them to-Know that being hungry means I might seriously resort to cannibalism if we don't have dinner right now. There is no more snacking there is only dinner and I mean now. Do you value that arm? Do you want your kid with one less appendage? OK, then. Let's eat.Understand and truly feel what it is like to feel as if the weight of the world is falling out of your crotch and yet you are not even close to being in labor. Nope. You are about three months from that.To cry because your underwear … [Read more...]
The Thirty Day Challenge Finis
As quickly as it started the Thirty Day-use-less-waste-less-Challenge is over. During that time not only did I try to buy less, consume less and waste less I found that I had a whole lot more in my house than I ever realized. There I was using vinegar to clean my mirrors and I had three bottles of different types of glass cleaner sitting under sinks in my house. Madness, I tell you, madness! Not to mention the two bottles of toilet cleaner, four bottles of all-purpose spray, three kitchen cleaners and three shower/tub and tile cleansers. Seriously, folks- how does this happen?!?Then there were the beauty regime products. You would think I had a silo somewhere on my property with all the scrubs, lotions, potions, serums and more lurking in my bathrooms. TD had three types of … [Read more...]
Things that Burn My Britches
I read this post by my friend, Kim today and now not only are her panties in a bunch but mine are too. I mean seriously, Wal-mart? Get on the wagon and realize you have to pay your bloggers for their work. I'm getting real tired of the whole,"your blog will be promoted through us..." as payback line. We're doing the work, we are finding your audience or hawking your products, it takes time and research, so pay us. Enough said. Then I got to thinking about other things that have gotten my undapeeants not just in a bunch but burned.- When someone writes a check. Be it Target, Smarmy-mart (aka Wal-Mart) or the 7th ring of hell also known as Safeway, I ask you this- Who does that anymore? I'm not saying you need to be swiping your little Visa go card all over the place but check writing … [Read more...]
The BBC Disappoints
I was so excited. A chance to have my blog, my syndicated article and our family put out there. We were all excited.I was leery too. I know how these things work for the most part. Hours of tape equals minutes of actual screen time and things can get skewed.Still. I wanted others to hear our middle class story of unemployment, possibly gain some new readers and get myself out there, so I agreed. More paid work might come of it. Everything went just fine too. The BBC people could not have been nicer. When the disc arrived with our segment we could not wait to watch it.And there it was. Or wasn't. No mention of my blog, that I am a writer, no screen capture of the blog or even the article that drew them to us. To make matters worse my sound bite was reduced to one line, "I never … [Read more...]
It’s More Than Just a Song
The idea of having a theme song has been the subject of a few blog posts out there in the blogosphere and even a frequent topic on such ancient shows of yore like Ally McBeal. I realized today as I was taking what should be my daily walk that my theme song has been the same for years. Hasn't changed since I first laid ears on it back in high school and despite being overplayed many times over the last few decades it still manages to do all those little things that theme songs are supposed to do.It energizes you. You hear that special little ditty and you instantly feel like dancing. Or shouting and doing all sorts of ridiculous things like you see in Mentos commercials and what not. My theme song makes me take over dance floors at weddings, grocery stores, sidewalks and wherever else I … [Read more...]
Am I Just a Lucky SOB of a Blogger?
While I was at BlogHer (I know, I know! Enough already about your little love fest, called BlogHer!) I listened to many women bloggers talk about hate mail. The nasty comments they get about their parenting skills, life choices, children and more. Then yesterday I was reading my friend Kristen's blog and read a nastygram that she had received regarding a recent post of hers and it dawned on me.It's been ages since I received any hate mail. What does that say about me I began to wonder? Am I that middle of the road? Do my readers just adore me that much?! Heh. Am I that boring or am I just that lucky? They say you have really made it when the masses decide to turn on you, but then again they also say no news is good news. Does that apply to evil commenter's too?Really, the last time I … [Read more...]
The Lay-Off- A Month Done and Gone
So there it is. A full month has gone by since the day that H came home declaring himself no longer gainfully employed. So much has happened in the last few weeks and life has taken to flowing a whole new way.For one thing, we all sleep later. It is as if we are all on summer vacation. Fancy that. Except we are missing that carefree feeling of running to the ice cream truck and lazing by the pool. While H has devised a schedule of job hunting as a full time job and completing long overdue tasks around the house, my work has suffered. While I try to keep TD occupied and out of Daddy's hair it is almost impossible to do unless some electronic box is used to placate her. This annoys H to no end. When it's just TD and me we work together. She plays at my side while I try and diligently work … [Read more...]
It’s a Surreal Life Sometimes
It's been one month since H got laid off. One month of some of the strangest times we've had. From worrying about our health insurance to wondering if we'll make our mortgage payment. Oh, and then we went on vacation. And Graco came calling asking me to do a little car seat campaign for them. Then BlogHer. Just when I thought our life would return to its somewhat banal suburban existence BBC America came calling.Yeah, you heard me.BBC America.In my house.Today.What I thought was spam at first glance turned out to be an interview request. There I sat in my pajamas with my hair all askew and my morning coffee by my side just stunned, mouth probably hanging open staring at the request. My DC Metro Moms post, "Day One- I Feel Like a Statistic" had been previously picked up for syndication and … [Read more...]