Hi Kids!Guess what?!Did you know that Obama is a Muslim and that if we elect him terrorists will ransack our country? Yup.It's true.Just like McCain fathering an illegitimate child who is sshh... not white. Shocking, I know.Do you believe this BS that still filters around? Or are you skeptical and researching the actual facts?BTW, did you also know that we were all shocked and surprised by 9/11? Yeah, never saw that coming with all the warnings that went back to the Clinton administration. It wasn't our own arrogance or forgetting that we were attacked before at Pearl Harbor or anything. Nope. Can't be that. No one has ever tried to get on our shores before 2001. Which has me really wondering- Um.. why is it then that my father works in defense and for years has known about other country's … [Read more...]
Boxes of Gas Make Me Flaming Mad
"If you don't vote in 2008. Don't whine in 2009." That's about as much as I would typically say on this here blog, politically speaking, despite the fact that-I'm a bit of a political junkie. TD is named after an old white guy of a Republican after all. I had pictures of Quayle and Bush in my 7th grade locker right next to an oh so hawt Mikael Baryshnikov. My locker mate moved out on me, deeming me a dork. When I went to cheer camp I didn't take family photos but pictures and political cartoons of Reagan and Bush that I was particularly fond of. Yeah, I admit it, asking for Newsweek for my 12th birthday makes me somewhat of a dork but at least I can admit it along with this guy. On my bedroom wall was a collage of the Silver Fox, whose position I coveted.Obsess much? Maybe just a scootch. … [Read more...]
Dog for Sale
"Psst... Hey Lady! Get me out of this thing! Lady? Do you hear me?" I said, "GET ME OUT OF THIS DAMN METAL CAGE! NOW!!!"The whining had been going on for a solid half hour at this point. I just didn't want to give in to the inevitable jumping on the bed, scratching with talons of death and jingling of the collar that is like an alarm clock for TD."FREEDOM!!!" "You know what I'm going to do now don't you? That's right. I'm going to go over to your kids bedroom door, you know the one who is sleeping in today and I'm going to wake her butt up. RIGHT NOW! Ha ha!"Bang, bang, BANG!TD is now officially up. The plan has worked and I have been successfully thwarted by my 28 lb dog. All fury and hyper activity. To say that she missed us is an understatement.To have her wake up a sleeping-in toddler, … [Read more...]
If You Don’t Watch ‘The Hills’ Step Away From This Post
I admit to being an avid watcher of 'The Hills' which I like to refer to as a dramedy. I'll even cop to being disappointed about learning that Whitney only makes a mere $20K per episode and cackling like a banshee over comments on blogs about how Spencer Pratts salary of $65K is more than it would cost to put a hit out on him. Tee hee. I'm still snorting on that one.However, I do draw the line here- You know it's not the gold lame belt or the metallic-hued leotard that gets me. It's not even Ms. Montag's giant 1970s Western Barbie-esque hair (girls got to stick to her CO roots, I suppose.) it is the poor schmuck in the back. Yup. The one in the peach leotard and stache. Am I alone in thinking that is Jamie Kennedy hiding back there wondering where his career went horribly wrong? You … [Read more...]
What Part of Vacation Do I Not Understand?
Holy Melting Hell.I'm in New England for a bit of a breather. TD and I did the solo flight up here yesterday and can I just say that if a plane full of kids can be fab then we had it? Yes, Virginia it really is possible to soar through the air with the greatest of ease and actually have a kid who thinks even the bumpy parts of the plane ride are fun. "More bumps," TD exclaimed and "Faster! More Faster!" I think I fell in love with her a bit more, if that is possible, in those moments.Now for the holy melting hell part. I'm up here chillin', maxin', wishin' I was at a pool or ocean but no, indeed I am glued to my hot box of a laptop working. Le Sigh.I am swelling and pissy.Not a good combo in even the non-pregnant.Thank goodness for grandparents who actually go on solo excursions with the … [Read more...]
Five Good Things- No Jive
Oh, Internets. Aye. The last few days....From POW camp leader to climbing furniture in the most dangerous ways to knocking it over and destroying her room with wild abandon while NOT napping, TD has been quite the er, active kid. Heh. There even seemed to be some territorial peeing at one point amidst the tantrums, yelling and throwing of tiny play kitchen utensils. I'm also apparently not allowed to hold onto the banister hand rail anymore because, "You tough, Momma! You no hold hand rail! You tough!" Each time I do I feel like I might get a switch to the back of my legs. I wouldn't be surprised if she and the dog Lex had started making shivs in their free time together. Did I mention we also had a clogged toilet during a playdate? Kick ass. It's all enough to make this creeping … [Read more...]
Curses! Foiled Again!
Damn! I was kind of hoping I would be immune to the sap of the combination of pregnancy hormones, TD starting preschool and this whole Dash Two Factor but it appears that I am not. No amount of my looking to the dark side of sleepless nights to come, spit up happening and a return to the pony-tail look with no time for mascara is cutting through the mush I have begun to feel on an almost daily basis. Double Damn! I am foiled again.Yesterday, despite dealing with a very difficult TD who could have doubled for a POW camp leader with her nasty tactics of pushing all my buttons and testing every limit, I put her down for a nap complete with extra stories and songs. Who knew POW task masters loved, "You are my Sunshine" that much? She looked at me, face suddenly soft and angelic with not a … [Read more...]
Shoulda’s
From the "I Shoulda Known..." chapter of life.I shoulda known better than to think everything was fine when TD kept saying, "Almost done Momma!" for more than fifteen minutes in the bathroom. Instead, I kept cleaning the kitchen while getting lost in an NPR radio buzz. That is until she emerged from the bathroom smeared in poo. Yup. Shoulda known better. Shoulda had more wipes in the house and paper towels on hand. Probably shouldn't have sprayed her with this at first sight, but I did. Hey! It was already in my hand and it was only her foot. I really cleaned her up afterwards. Shoulda known better than to tell my friend how concerned I really am about her and her state of affairs as I haven't heard from her in a while. I shoulda known I might have been overstepping my bounds, but I … [Read more...]
Destined to be Together- Isaac Mizrahi and Me
Recession... blah, blah, blah....we all know it's really here. Gas prices, while declining are still high. We are eating out less. We are all looking for ways to cut corners whether it's using the new grocery store's amazing coupons ($20 off $50 or more!!! OH MY!) or cutting back on our latte runs, most of us are feeling the pinch. We do what we can with what we have and make do without, right?And I'm going to speak for most of us, we all L-O-V-E a bargain. I am a bargain shopper myself. Nothing excites me more than delving into real sales racks and finding that golden ticket of a find. That time I scored a full Ralph Lauren bed set for $69.99 at the actual outlet? Back when outlets were still the real deal? Spectacular! I still have the comforter over 10 years later locked in a closet … [Read more...]
It’s Beyond My Control
When it was hot enough to melt balls earlier this summer and my gym membership was frozen (trying to save a few laid off dollars) all I wanted to do was go there and do my morning walk. Ah, the cool A/C. The free childcare and the chance to actually move my body without having to push a stroller, bend down to retrieve a shoe, sippy cup or tossed blanket. It sounded like bliss.Bliss on an ice-cold stick.Now, gym membership unfrozen and the weather a bit more relaxed, the sheer idea of driving to walk indoors makes me feel nothing but waste. A twenty minute walk suddenly turns into an hour. Get TD dressed, make sure the hungry beast that is me is sated for an hour or so, water bottle? Check. Wrangle kid into car and off we go driving ten minutes to walk. It just seems so bizarre. When I … [Read more...]