I Want to Puke. Just Puke.

So it's 2008. How was your New Year's? Did you get all jiggy and have a blast with friends and loved ones? We did. It was a blast. And then it wasn't. Then it all just turned incredibly bad. Really bad. So we're still here and biding our time. I have to go and deal with some police issues today. Oh yeah it was that kind of night. Since I really can't talk about it I just ask that you keep us in your prayers. Most of the time? I love being a woman. Then it's nights like that night that make me feel not so much. If I was a man it wouldn't have happened. If I was a man I wouldn't be having to deal with this. … [Read more...]

Breaking Curfew and Seeing R-rated Films

There are claymation penguins eating cake with seals in party hats. The main topic of conversation/argument in the house is the ever changing temperature reading off the side of my parents house. My Father: Ooh! It's 38! Look at the sky!My Mother: 38?! (utter disbelief that it could be 38 degrees rings in her voice) Why that is ten degrees colder than yesterday!My parents are fascinated by weather. My father's dream is to have some sort of Wizard of Oz like capability or machine on the premises that would tell him the weather every five minutes or so down to the last centigrade, jet stream and barometric pressure. If my father had to live in a climate like sunny So Cal where seasons are hard to differentiate he wouldn't know what to do with himself. He is the Oz of weather. He and my … [Read more...]

I Feel Like I’m Beating a Dead Horse

It's over. Or is it? We still have New Year's and a trip up to grandparent country to get through. I'm sure it will be a blast but it also means the holidays just keep coming! So let's just keep eatin' and drinkin' and feeling like our pores are oozing icing and crisco. Oh and in case you are wondering this is what went down in Mummy's house this past week.One Wii has entered our home. Oh the irony. Now I get to hear H say things like-Eat. My. Butt. and other witty asides such as, I'm Killing Myself, while he plays tanks and rides cows or something. Anyone else obessesd with mowing down scarecrows?A lovely silver necklace adorns my neck.I have eaten annisette cookies, frothy hot cha cha (a T.D. delight), more ham than anyone should be allowed to eat in a year, a sodium intake that … [Read more...]

Too Much Roast Beast

Lettuce.I need lettuce. Any greens will do.Plain please. No dressing needed. Some water?TooMuchGoodFoodI am done.I don't want salt. I don't want sugar.I just want crisp greens with water. On the side.Is anyone else feeling this way after a deluge of Christmas feasting? … [Read more...]

Wii Crazy

While ellipticizing my butt and thighs at the gym the other day I was again astounded by the Wii craze. There it was on the news, lines of sheep (ahem)people lined up for the Wii. Yes, the Wii is BIG FUN. I personally would love to own one. But do I want to sit outside in the freezing cold outside a big box store for over 24hours to obtain one? That would be a no. I prefer to wait. Which means I'll probably never buy one. It hit me then that those lines are such a distraction. People get so wrapped up in the media-induced frenzy of Black Friday and getting 'the gift' of the season for kids and adults EVERY YEAR that the message of the season really does get lost. How can you think of goodwill towards men when you are jockeying in line for hours on end while catching your death? What comes … [Read more...]

Grateful

I've been nursing some weird eye allergy all week along with a wonderfully red and puffy left eye sty. Fun times indeed. I've been shuffling around the house swollen eyed as T.D. says repeatedly, "Mummy Boo Boo...Oooh" over and over and over again. Then I eat fudge. With Marshmallows.I steal my kids eczema ointment to rub on my eyes and pop another allergy pill. My skin is so dry from the 24/7 allergy pills that my skin feels like it's cracking. So I furtively use some more eczema lotion and wait for relief. Then I eat a chocolate reindeer, antlers first.I finished working on Wednesday. I've been slowly gearing up for the holidays which also means skipping the gym and general procrastination in cleaning the house and running last minute errands. If you haven't gotten dressed up for New … [Read more...]

Green Your Routine

I am very pleased to announce the incredible news that Dana Hackley is the winner of Ziddio's Green Your Routine video contest. Who is Dana Hackley and why should you care? Dana was one of my college roommates, we shared a bunk in an insanely tiny room together in our sorority house and we didn't kill each other in the night. That is an amazing feat if you were to see the size of the room. I think prisoners have bigger cells. We've been in each others weddings and lives for over ten years now (ugh I feel old) and had our first babes within a year of each other. Dana is a busy woman. She writes, she teaches and she creates Academy Award winning videos. That's right. My old roomie has one the Global Green Academy Award. I'm so (sniff) proud.Here it is- Not So Disposable, by Dana Hackley … [Read more...]

To the Woman with the Fang Toothed Foul Mouthed Dog Behind Me

Hey Lady,What's your problem? Are you always so grumpy and mean in the morning? Does the smell of parvo vaccines and Alpo make you antagonistic at that time of day? I really tried to be nice as I stood in line in front of you yesterday at the vets office. Were you mad because I got there first? I'm sorry that two months ago I scheduled an appointment before you. I really wanted to like you too because you seemed like such a sweet little old woman. Even when your under bite ridden fang toothed lap dog started growling and sneering what was surely a string of doggy obscenities at me and I tried not to laugh at his Jennifer Beale's Flashdance styled complete with the rolled up sleeves sweatshirt. Really, I tried. Except for this. This one thing. When I politely moved away to the farthest … [Read more...]

My TV Watching Days are Numbered

It is painfully obvious that the writer's strike needs to come to a resolution. Like um. Now. No baking to be done. No more presents to wrap I had just settled in for a long winter's... night of TV viewing alone. Yeah! I can watch anything I want. No one will care if I watch crap TV.Except there isn't anything on! I began to panic as I scrolled through the guide of my possible choices. Lots of Home Shopping to watch, which shows how unscripted they are despite how fake and set everything else seems on those half hour bonanzas of rose gold and diamondnique must haves. Then I found it. A full block (we're talking four back to back episodes here people) of the Sugarbakers a.k.a. the best of the shoulder pads and big hair Designing Women on TVLand. That's right. I said it. Suzanne, Julia, … [Read more...]

I’m Suzy Homemaker?

I had a thought last night as I was drifting off to sleep. OK it was more like a series of thoughts that built up and whirled around in my brain with me alternately writing a post in my head and then falling asleep mid-sentence and forgetting the verbage for this morning, but nonetheless it was a pertinent thought.My friend once told her husband that he needed to understand that while he goes to work each day and then leaves his boss when he comes home she as a stay at home mother never does. Her boss wakes her up each morning, blows through her "office" all day leaving a wake of destruction in her path, and continuously yells at her for reasons that we don't always understand. Would he like it if his boss did that to him? No. So some understanding needed to happen on his part.Can I … [Read more...]