Welcome to the my lair! (Insert evil laugh here.)It's filled with tissues that have been used multiple times over. They litter the floor around me and threaten to take over my tiny world.I shuffle around with a cocktail of Dayquil, Mucinex and ibuprofen. This cold is kicking my ass. I've cried "uncle" many times over and it still keeps enforcing Dragon Whips on me. Last night at 1:18 a.m. and desperate from a rousing fight with my lungs and a coughing fit that threatened to wake my entire house I chugged the kids Chestal cough suppressant in triple dose. Homeopathic honey-ed goodness. I think it worked. It was either that or the Last Call with Carson Daly and surfing Prizey that did the trick.The juice is gone. There are still no cough drops in the house and my nose looks like someone … [Read more...]
Mary Poppins Can Bite Me
It was a beautiful fall day. The sun was out, the air crisp. The crackle of new library books was all around. Sounds like bliss, right? I should have been beaming, right?Except I wasn't. As I opened the kitchen windows to let in that gorgeous fall breeze all I could think was, "Today is one of those days I wish I was back in an office." I would rather deal with jackass project managers who can't think for themselves, defense contracts and engineers with yellow teeth and even more yellow fingernails than be in the house with my kids today. Or even out of the house with them.My jaw hurt from gritting my teeth. My shoulders were hunched up to my ears and my upper back was burning from it all. I has missed my morning run due to a sick, teething baby and the whole house looked like a plastic … [Read more...]
Mortality Looking Me Square in the Eye.
Last Friday I had my ultrasound appointment for my right breast. In the days leading up to it I could barely sleep. I felt exhausted mentally and then physically. Each night I would lie down and my brain, lethargic during the day would instantly whir to life. All the cogs moving at warp speed and what felt like a million thoughts began zipping along my own personal information super highway. I wasn't trying to be full of doom and gloom but with the pain persisting in my breast there was this constant reminder that something just wasn't right. I dreaded the ultrasound but couldn't wait for my questions to be answered. I couldn't take this lack of sleep and constant feeling of worry settling in my stomach. Questioning your mortality is one thing but throw in a husband and two kids … [Read more...]
Retching via my Blackberry
I was all set to blog about my nervous feeling regarding my impending 5k this weekend, a first for me. That is until something decided it wanted to make a bloody good mess of carving out my insides this morning. At least that is what it felt like. I did the whole doling out the vitamins routine, changed the night time diaper, made a spectacular batch of oatmeal for TD and then WHAM! Just as I poured the dog food the queasy stomach I had been nursing for the last day just sucker punched me and I was soon lying on the floor of my foyer in a soaking wet, cold sweat. TD, being the good and dutiful classic eldest child fetched me a pillow from the couch and used her step stool from the bathroom to reach my phone so I could call H and almost vomit into the phone at him. If the sound of your … [Read more...]
Anna Wintour to spotlight ‘Little Houses’
I'm giving you a quote to discuss today because my life recently consists of nocturnal journeys to the tiny tot bedrooms in my house and my current my main objective of the day is to find out exactly where that puke smell is coming from, I don't care who it came from, I just need to know the where.Anna Wintour, editor of the ginormous fashion tome known as Vogue, recently stated that the magazine will do a story about obesity. Be still my heart. Vogue is going to address something relevant? Fascinating. Can you tell I'm more of an Elle girl? I digress. Here's the quote, discuss in the comments. Really, people. I want some discussion. No more reading for free I say!"I'd just been on a trip to Minnesota, where I can only kindly describe most of the people I saw as little houses."Love the use … [Read more...]
In Which a Window Attacks My Head
I guess my forehead was jealous of my eye divot because after a glass or two of cranberry wine I decided to close up the house (A broken AC the last few days has made my house hotter than the hounds from hell dog house.). As I pushed down on the window to slide it shut a spring busted inside it sending the window flying open towards my face. The lock on it, in the open position of course, smacked me square in the middle of my forehead.Stunned I slapped my hand to my forehead and stumbled up against my kitchen wall. The pain was like a ball bouncing around in my head. After a few moments I opened my eyes but I had to say aloud, "Are my eyes open?" No one answered me as H was gone on a work trip and the girls were asleep. I confirmed that yes, I was seeing the kitchen floor and I … [Read more...]
Random Questions #127
I feel like one lazy S.O.B today. This cold (numbre trois, I think) is totally kickin' my slowly pilatisizing butt again this week. Seriously, if I can't get some solid sleep soon I think I'm destined to be in my late 30's and still walking around with post-nasal drip and a swollen glands. I'm a petri dish in leggings. So I give you all sorts of random today.If Stouffer's is just getting around to making it's lasagna "now with real ingredients" what was in it before? a. Battery acidb. Flobee trimmingsc. reconstituted cheese and meat with space technology like the astronauts used tomato sauce.ord. You supply your answer!I leave you with Mixin' don't cryp. … [Read more...]
Dr. Mom
I'm in a sea of tissues today and wouldn't you know it - the million cans of chicken soup I always seem to have in my house and the giant jug of orange juice are all G.O.N.E. Gone. Dr. Mom is sick and we are out of the good stuff. Blast!The laundry monster is attacking me as I type. There's a whole legion of unmatched socks just waiting for the right moment to cry "Mutiny!" I feel better mentally but I seem to still have my moments. The moments where I just have to stand there and squeeze my eyes shut, press my fingers to my temples and try to focus, focus, focus! Moments where I find myself still starting blankly at an open cabinet or draw wondering how I got into this room and what it is I'm looking for. I feel blessed though that I have the help that I do and that things are not … [Read more...]
How to Have the Best Christmas EVER!
1. Begin by ignoring the pain that has begun in your left breast. Instead, press on with your night of gift wrapping and your Master Plan. Then realize that it's Christmas Eve and everything closes early but it's too late. You are already out driving around looking for that perfect cup of joe. Which seems can now only be made at the hands of a gas station employee. Who doesn't know how to make a latte to save his life. Throw in a squirrely looking old lady behind the counter making sandwiches and the evil eye and you have the start of your night. 2. Make comments throughout the night about the pain in your chest but continue to ignore it while you wait up for company and fight your body's urge to curl up into the fetal position. Pop two Tylenol instead and finally head to bed about … [Read more...]
Yeah, I’m That Anal
I woke up at five this morning and not because Dash Two (she really needs a better name now. We're just waiting for some personality besides pooping to come through.) woke me up. I was thinking about the furniture in our den and sighing with the stress of it all. Why?Because the new couch is being delivered today and that old stuff needed to be moved out "NOW!" my brain screamed. I knew it was all still laying about down there sucking up precious new couch space (seats nine!) and I wanted it gone. "NOW!", my brain screamed again. Did I dare wake up and move the couch, coffee table, baby swing and chair myself? Along with all of TD's toys? Or should I wait until a more normal hour losing precious furniture moving seconds and enlist H to help me? I couldn't sleep from the sheer … [Read more...]