Scene: Dinner at our house last night. TD has become an expert at making excuses on why she cannot possibly eat anymore of her dinner. It's a nightly battle. Me: Just a few more bites. Eat your dinner! TD: I just have to chew this. (The kid is a pro on chewing her dinner like a cow chews cud. One bean can take about fifteen minutes to efficiently grind to a pulpy mess.)Me: No! Eat another bite! (Thinking to myself: Hmm...the delay tactics are strong in this one.)TD: I just need to have to have a sip of my waaaattterrr.H: Eat now or you will go to bed!TD: (Shuffling in her seat and doing a jig and jabbing her stomach with both hands.) Nooo! My tummy hurts!Me: Your stomach hurts because you keep poking it. Stop that!! EAT!! For the love of!This goes on for about fifteen more … [Read more...]
Don’t Mind the Sign of The Pox on Our Door
Because our house should be quarantined right now I bring you the "I'm Thankful For" edition of The Mummy Chronicles early this year. It's the week of the Turkey anyway, right? I'm not that blitzed out on Afrin and other cold meds to be a total mess.I'm thankful for my family who has taken care of TD, Dash Two, H and I for about a week now. I'm still dealing with this 'ferocious beast' of a head cold and so is TD. I have been sent to bed to while away the day (Grey's Anatomy via laptop anyone?) while my parents tackle the following things. -A cleaned humidifier to circulate healthy air in our El sicko abode. Thanks Dad!-Numerous trips to the store for cold and food supplies by both parents.-One clean tea kettle that looks brand new. I confess I had no idea it was that dirty. … [Read more...]
Darth Vader Has a Baby
I'm dealing with a nasty head cold over here (thanks preschool!) and about halfway through Dash Two's labor I looked at H and said, "It's sort of sounds like Darth Vader is having a baby over in this room doesn't it?" He agreed that my heavy breathing combined with my super-fine looks created by the oxygen mask that got slapped on my face with no reason given that yes, I did look and sound a bit like the Dark Sided one.And now... some pictures....Swollen and puffy with a head cold. That's how I like to go into labor.Totally worth it though. May I present Dash Two! Born November 17 at 4:46 p.m. All 7 lbs, 6 ounces and 19.5 inches of her. TD is already trying to get her little "kicker" to play toys with her. I'm just hoping she doesn't get this dreadful cold.I'll give you all the gory … [Read more...]
Nope. No, Thwimp. I mean Shrimp.
I was all proud of myself too. I had just finished dinner and looked at H and declared, "Wow. That was a really good pizza I made, if I do say so myself." He agreed. Two seconds later I said, "Huh. That's weird. It's like my tongue is numb. And my throat. As if I sprayed that numbing throat spray in my mouth." I figured he would make fun of me and I would reply back with something smart in return and we would be on our merry way.Except he didn't. He said, "Your lips are swelling too. A lot." WHAT?! I ran to the bathroom and sure enough I looked like I was transforming into a fish. My throat felt tighter and my tongue even bigger. I stuck it out and it fat. WTF?! I began to panic and gulp down water.I'm allergic to nothing. Clove is the only real sensitivity I have. You light … [Read more...]
The Road to Recovery
We had good news yesterday and for that I am relieved. There is another reason though for that much needed and great relief. I got meds.While I haven't talked about it much to anyone, which quite honestly is unlike me and I think a sign of how bad things had actually gotten, things were pretty bad for me. When I asked for drugs to reduce the nausea and sick a few weeks back I was 'pooh poohed' by my doc. This time? New doctor. When I told her about how I couldn't even tolerate water or much of anything else, the frustrations I've had about food and heartburn which make me not want to consume anything anymore she agreed it was time to put me on a path to better wellness.Here's the thing that I didn't discuss with her though. The big guns I would have drawn out if I had been refused … [Read more...]
Cherry Nyquil Makes Me a Donkey’s Patootie
You know those moments that you wish you could take back? Those times when you laugh at a really inappropriate point and then you just can't stop laughing. Everyone around you looks at you like your a total ass and in fact you probably are? I had one of those moments last night. H has been sick this week. The cold is a bad one. The man has been a trooper all week including last night when he took care of the infamous T.D. while I had a party for a friend (Silpada anyone?). I'm very grateful for that. Is it my fault that I actually found it funny rather than repulsive when he burped cherry Nyquil in my face last night as I fell asleep? It happened once and I thought, "Huh. Never had that burped in my face before. Of all the things my kid, strangers or family has burped in my face … [Read more...]
Toddlers Love Nixon- Go figure
Motherf'er still sick. This is getting old. Real old. Older than the scary banana that I found in the toy chest that was beginning to fossilize. I didn't even know that was possible.I'm not one of those people that refuses to go to the doctor either, but when my HMO tells me it is going to cost more to visit the Urgent Care than my monthly Neiman Marcus bill and my primary care physician's dragon lady of a receptionist won't get me in until next week I'm less inclined to see the doctor. So I'll do what H tells me and rest. As hard as that is for someone like me with Bree Van de Kamp tendencies and a two year-old daredevil who bores easily. To aid my resting I picked up a few books this week. I'm so excited about all three of them that I can't just read one at a time either. In no … [Read more...]
What the Hell are You Waiting for?
See sign above? Yup. Really nothing more needs to be said but sometimes I find myself in conversations with people who talk as if they have no control over their lives. It baffles me. I'm not saying I'm some life coach or guru of sorts. Far be it from me to dispense any real advice but uh... I'm about to. Why? Because when I hear people talk like this I get mad. Damn mad. So mad I think of this scene from Network. Your life is your own. Yours. You have to live it as if each day were your last (that doesn't mean quit your job or rob a bank either). I know real pearls of wisdom right there. But seriously, if you are waiting for some big moment in your life to happen to make it all amazingly better (to bring romance into your life, adventure, fix your spouse, or even you) it is not going to … [Read more...]
Cough, hack, wheeze. Sorry that’s just a piece of my lung
H is barring me from work today. Sigh. He says I need to rest. I suppose when you wake up in the wee dark hours of the early morning because mucus decides to projectile out of your mouth and you haven't even coughed yet it is time indeed to give yourself a bit of a rest.Have a good day Internets. … [Read more...]
It isn’t January without the crud
Every Christmas I get sick. If it isn't Christmas, it is right after New Years. One year I even managed to contract Legionnaire's disease. Don't ask. This year I felt I had knocked it. No office time to me meant no germs. Ha! Ha! Suckas! I quit you, you blasted sickness! I dare to dream that I had defied the odds.Then I got sick. Then I got better. Then I am sick again. That is my current state.Can I say this really blows? I've been looking forward to the DC Metro Moms Launch party for a month. It is tonight and there is french food involved and I'm feeling half alive at 9 a.m. That's after two cups of full strength espresso and a shot of dayquil. But you know what really bites my balls (if I actually had them)? I just can't get into the New Year when I feel this way. I start out feeling … [Read more...]