There is much screaming in my house these days. I think if you stand on the walkway at about 10 a.m on any given morning you might stare up at our front door and think you are about to enter a fun house or even a haunted house at a theme park. It sounds just like that. The girls, the brood, the pack that now roams my house are a loud lot. The yelling is incessant and it makes my head hurt and my shoulders hunch up to my ears which are probably about to start pouring blood. As you can tell I don't get much time for blogging these days. I looked at the mothers slogging up the block to the bus stops with their kids today with open jealousy glaring off my face. It is not that I wish TD would "just grow up already!" It is more that I am craving routine. … [Read more...]
At Seven Months I Lose It
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Actually, maybe it was just the worst of times. The last few weeks have been a roller coaster ride of busy with a capital 'B' at our abode and in the last few days I began to crack. Scary, large, saucer-eyes would appear in my skull as my jaw and fists would simultaneously clench. My body was tired. It hurt and I felt like I had nothing left in me about an hour after waking. By Wednesday afternoon I found myself sobbing randomly and it just continued.People tell me the third kid breaks you, but I just can't wait for the relief that will come at the end of this pregnancy. What? Don't look at me like I don't know what I am talking about, I know it will be a challenge having a third child. … [Read more...]
My Inner Andy Rooney Comes Out. Again.
Changes are a'comin' to this household in the form of Baby Trois a.k.a the Fifth Element. We purchased a slew of furniture last weekend to turn TD's solo room into a room for deux complete with bunk beds. I swear this time I will finish decorating the room. Really, I will. The Comedian has been in the converted crib to toddler bed about a month or so now and with great success. Since bed shopping this past weekend she wants to be in the room with TD at night too. I am taking this all as a positive sign that once we move her over into the lower bunk she will adjust and be content. Then the Internet stepped in with a cute little note in my inbox titled, "Is Your Toddler Ready for a Real Bed?" Of … [Read more...]
The Comedian, One Year Later
Just think, a year ago today I was tweeting it up and doing this. One minute I was watching Oprah, the next The Comedian, formerly known as Dash Two had arrived.You looked up at me with those big, unblinking eyes and I instantly fell in love. While you are named The Comedian for laughing at all the wrong times and reasons you are also my little cuddle bug. As a 'no-touch, non-cuddler' I am powerless to resist you. When you burrow into my neck it is like kryptonite.In the past year you have been the bruisin' Blutarski of the house. You have learned to crawl with your head ducked down to avoid licks from the dog and you can topple your sister in a simple headlock. You like to yell at the neighbors from your kitchen window perch. You climb head first into the shower regardless of who is in … [Read more...]
A Bit Gaga Over Here
I'm addicted to this right now. Thanks Mamapop! In my moments of insanity today I just want to watch this over and over again then run to my make-up collection and start painting away until H comes home to something truly beautiful yet terrifying. Way more than this, that's for sure.Except I can't.I'm planning a first birthday party for The Comedian for tomorrow. Apple cupcakes seemed like a great idea at the time, all cute with pretzel stems and green jelly bean leaves. Then I caught the death that was hanging in the petri dish that is my doctor's office and I've been down for the count all week. Work has been left by the wayside, the house went insane and the non-stop rain has both kids acting like escapees from the local asylum.The vacuum is glaring at me from the corner. Says she has … [Read more...]
You Are About to Enter the Sick Zone.
Welcome to the my lair! (Insert evil laugh here.)It's filled with tissues that have been used multiple times over. They litter the floor around me and threaten to take over my tiny world.I shuffle around with a cocktail of Dayquil, Mucinex and ibuprofen. This cold is kicking my ass. I've cried "uncle" many times over and it still keeps enforcing Dragon Whips on me. Last night at 1:18 a.m. and desperate from a rousing fight with my lungs and a coughing fit that threatened to wake my entire house I chugged the kids Chestal cough suppressant in triple dose. Homeopathic honey-ed goodness. I think it worked. It was either that or the Last Call with Carson Daly and surfing Prizey that did the trick.The juice is gone. There are still no cough drops in the house and my nose looks like someone … [Read more...]
Scenes from Halloween
Brace yourself- kid pics ahead. Giant peacock attacks Strawberry Shortcake. News at 11. Steven Adler carves a pumpkin. And yes, we really do call her that on a regular basis. Peacock and Shortcake make nice for the sake of hunting candy and other miscellaneous loot.And, no that is not a wig that TD is wearing. I really did color her hair hot pink. … [Read more...]
Mary Poppins Can Bite Me
It was a beautiful fall day. The sun was out, the air crisp. The crackle of new library books was all around. Sounds like bliss, right? I should have been beaming, right?Except I wasn't. As I opened the kitchen windows to let in that gorgeous fall breeze all I could think was, "Today is one of those days I wish I was back in an office." I would rather deal with jackass project managers who can't think for themselves, defense contracts and engineers with yellow teeth and even more yellow fingernails than be in the house with my kids today. Or even out of the house with them.My jaw hurt from gritting my teeth. My shoulders were hunched up to my ears and my upper back was burning from it all. I has missed my morning run due to a sick, teething baby and the whole house looked like a plastic … [Read more...]
The Last Pancake
Scene: Breakfast is over for this Sunday morning and clean up has begun. I notice that there is one last pancake left.V: I pick up the pancake and say, "Dare me to chuck this last pancake at the dog's head?"H: "Go for it."I lob it at the dog and it grazes her cheek. Considering the fact that this is a dog that can catch adult-sized birds in mid-flight I am a bit surprised that she doesn't grab a hold of this flying snack. It lands on the floor next to her and in seconds the dog, TD and The Comedian are on this lone pancake like a pack of hungry wolves. After a few minutes of wrestling with her sister and the dog, The Comedian crawls away with only a glance back. Having been nearly shanked by the dog's talons of death she realizes that whatever tiny scrap of pancake she was going to … [Read more...]
Ten Months
In hindsight we probably should have just called you, Bluto. Not The Comedian. Yes, you love to laugh at completely inappropriate times and forever have a smile on your face but in the last few months you appear to be more like the Bluto character from Animal House.You steal people's drinks and act like it's just part of your charm. You are an eating machine. You often palm a bottle and chug it so fast that we can hear the air being sucked out from a few rooms away. You cruise around for any scrap of food or debris and are always up for a good food fight. Bah keep! I'd like anotha!My hair is stylin'. I fall a lot. Don't be judgin'.Lastly, You've already mastered the one raised eyebrow stare. I kid you not. I'm talking about Empathy and slapping other people's kids at Honest Baby and about … [Read more...]