Marriage Can Be Fucking Hard

I went for a run the other day and before I was even a block away from my house I coughed up some tears.  My face crumpled, tears flowed and emotion vomited out of me right on the street in from of my house.  I was powerless to squelch it no matter how many times I tried to resume running and stifle the sobs.  I wanted to find a bench and sit with my knees to my chest and just let it all out.Instead I sucked in a few deep breaths, cranked up some Isaac Hayes on my iPod and started pounding the pavement hard and fast.  I blocked out all thoughts with the sounds of music. Hayes progressed into Steel Dragon (Heh) and then into Depeche Mode and I found myself running even faster.  I was yelling without even realizing it. I am quite sure I looked like a total nut … [Read more...]

Overheards- The Old Bra

Scene: I am getting ready for bed and H, already snuggled under the covers, peers out at me. H: Wow that must be an old bra.V: Excuse, me? What are you talking about? I've worn this bra, like, twice. Ever.H: Well, it's all see-through and worn out looking. V: Oh geez. (I snort) You poor man! This is not an old bra, I just never wear it and it's not the super-nude or basic black ones I normally sport. Two things people. One, even when I play things up with my bra I rarely choose see-through for daily use as it just isn't practical to me. I like a smooth line and not something that is going to show how cold it is or the exact shape of my areola, you know? Since this third pregnancy, I've discovered a great need for pretty underwear on a daily basis. I want coordinated, colorful, sexy pieces … [Read more...]

Black Suction a.k.a My Bad Place

You know what sucks?My house smells like I have a pot roast in the oven and I can't figure out why. I didn't buy a pot roast. But it's either a pot roast or a hobo. I can't decide.When you start fighting before you even make it out of the bed in the morning. You then spend the rest of the day trying to figure out how to solve the problem, hating yourself and wishing you were one of those women who was smarter, didn't say what she was thinking and could stop hurting the other person.Waking up at 5:15. For any reason. It's still dark out. You had the "state of our finances" discussion the night before and you drank a few glasses of wine to help you formulate the numbers. What? It works! Wine makes financial discussions Hell-ari-OUS. Trust me. It also makes sitcoms funny. Heh. … [Read more...]

The Revolving Door

Lately it seems that things have been a bit off-kilter. If one of us is home the other is out. When another one returns a few others leave. Our home has become a revolving door the last few months and it has begun to take its toll.It's been fun. All those nights out, trips away and time with friends and family. The girls have gone to cities, on trains and seen many sights. H has been loading up on frequent flier and hotel stay miles as well. It is exciting to return but our life has taken on a chaotic air. Each time we are apart it gets just a bit harder to reconnect with one another. Each night away creates a bit more distance in our hearts and it is not hard to see why all those Hollywood types hook up with their co-stars. Absence may make the heart grow fonder but not in every … [Read more...]

Cheeseburgers & Vodka

Scene: I've just come home from an entire day of doing nothing but hanging out with an old friend. As I'm about to exit my car I spy H walking up the sidewalk to get the mail.V: Now, there's a fine piece of man!H turns and smiles and keeps walking. I enter our house which is quiet and empty feeling from a day of no one but the dog being home. H: I'm a fine piece of man who brings home vodka and cheeseburgers!Talk about perfection. … [Read more...]

Proud of My Mans

"So how do you feel knowing that your husband is about to go into the ring and get punched in the face?" Um.. I'm hoping that I don't have a toothless spouse at the end of the night? I'm really not into that whole "I go no teefesus" look."What was it like seeing him up in the ring fighting?" Scary. Fun. Weird to know that now people know how much chest hair that man has. Heh."Are you excited? Do you feel like you are going to throw up or do you just want to see him wail on some dude?" Wail on the dude, not pour blood out of his face or make me have to yell things like, "I smell bacon! F the police H! Bring home the bacon, baby!" Obviously, H was fighting a cop.I think I got asked these questions about ninety-bazillion times the night of H's fight. It is as if people were surprised that I … [Read more...]

This Isn’t a Restaurant Buddy

Don't you just love it when you try to put something on the table for dinner and your met with the yuck face?For the last three nights I have prepared healthy meals, that we as a family chose, only to see a dissatisfied face looking at me from across the table. Food is pushed slowly around the plate and then tentatively tasted and tested. Faces are made that are usually only seen when confronted with something rotten or raw sewage. Utensils clank on dishes and sighs are uttered. Then, a declaration is made. H is going out. So long family, I'm getting different food. That's right. It wasn't T.D. that was putting up the fuss but H. To say that I was mildly peeved would be an understatement. Seeing as part of my "job performance" now is getting dinner on the table I come to view this as a … [Read more...]

On the Side of Dexter

If you haven't watched Showtime's show Dexter then you have no idea what you are missing. I will preface it this, at a party recently when the topic of new fall shows came up someone said, "Ooh! I have a great show! Do you mind blood?" The conversation went from there. You have to not mind oceans of blood with Dexter. Five bodies worth. Dexter is also a Sociopath and this is how I side with him. I have mentioned a few times before on this here blog that I am not a touchy feeling person. I can't say this enough. I don't fawn over things, I don't hug much, and in high school I was called an Ice Princess on way more occassions than I can count. Apparently I have been this way since birth. I've always struggled out of hugs, given the slightest kiss, and really just not remembered to … [Read more...]