What does it say about your day when it starts with a line like this-"Mommy! The Comedian has tape stuck all over her body! The sticky, big tape that comes from the office!"OY.And with an eye barely cracked open I glanced over the edge of the bed where sure enough The Comedian was wrapped in packing tape from head to toe. It wasn't even 7:30 in the morning. … [Read more...]
Detachable Penis
Scene: The breakfast table. It is barely 8 a.m. and I am working on my first cup of coffee. T.D. sits across the table from me. The Fifth Element is in my arms.TD: "Mom? How did The Fifth Element get in your tummy?"V: "What? Oh, you mean how did I have The Fifth Element?"TD: "Noooo.... How did The Fifth Element get IN your tummy?" V: (Nervous smile, shooting eyes heavenward, thinking, "It is too early! Where is H when I need him?!") "Eeehh, in my tummy. Right. Well...." Swig coffee likes it is bourbon. And then I said the thing I swore I would never say because it is so cliched and so cheesy and as H put it 'wildly inaccurate because any two incestuous rednecks can make a baby!" I … [Read more...]
Trying Your Best
Thanksgiving brought us to the Tot Trot nearby. TD was originally nervous and full of performance anxiety but H and I let her know that all she had to do was try her best. After all, that is what we did in the adult Turkey Trot earlier that morning. It wasn't about winning at all.Well, it's not always about winning, but sometimes it can be. When did she get so big? … [Read more...]
Tell Me It Is Worth It
It's a busy here. Actually, when isn't it busy here? I've got three kids under five. One of which does all of the following and more in a single day-"Mom! The Comedian has food coloring!" Yes, she did. I entered the kitchen just as she was about to squeeze out drops of yellow food coloring onto the kitchen floor. Next to her feet was an uncorked bottle of wine she had also seized from the pantry. I don't know what kind of party she had in mind but I wasn't down with it. That same day she clogged the upstairs bathroom with toilet paper and then proceeded to take all the paper out and throw it on the bathroom walls. Before I even got to that I had to pick up an unopened box of ob tampons that were all over the bathroom floor and in the tub. The … [Read more...]
The Sugar Highs and Lows
The subject of screaming and tantrums has come up before within this blog, especially where TD is concerned. At first we chalked it up to the Terrible Two's followed by the Troublesome Three's, which everyone declared was way worse than anything we had ever witnessed before. Right. It seems that the "F*ck You! Fours" (described quite adequately by a girlfriend of mine) are really what it was all about this past year. We tried everything we could think of to rid our home of the yelling and tantrums and absolute hysterical meltdowns that occurred and went on and on and on and on and on. There were time outs. We took away toys and other privileges, including play dates with friends. We read and practiced '1,2,3 Magic' too. We spoke to her … [Read more...]
At Seven Months I Lose It
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Actually, maybe it was just the worst of times. The last few weeks have been a roller coaster ride of busy with a capital 'B' at our abode and in the last few days I began to crack. Scary, large, saucer-eyes would appear in my skull as my jaw and fists would simultaneously clench. My body was tired. It hurt and I felt like I had nothing left in me about an hour after waking. By Wednesday afternoon I found myself sobbing randomly and it just continued.People tell me the third kid breaks you, but I just can't wait for the relief that will come at the end of this pregnancy. What? Don't look at me like I don't know what I am talking about, I know it will be a challenge having a third child. … [Read more...]
My Inner Andy Rooney Comes Out. Again.
Changes are a'comin' to this household in the form of Baby Trois a.k.a the Fifth Element. We purchased a slew of furniture last weekend to turn TD's solo room into a room for deux complete with bunk beds. I swear this time I will finish decorating the room. Really, I will. The Comedian has been in the converted crib to toddler bed about a month or so now and with great success. Since bed shopping this past weekend she wants to be in the room with TD at night too. I am taking this all as a positive sign that once we move her over into the lower bunk she will adjust and be content. Then the Internet stepped in with a cute little note in my inbox titled, "Is Your Toddler Ready for a Real Bed?" Of … [Read more...]
We’re Doing Something Right
There are so many days, moments and even weeks where as a parent you wonder if you are doing anything right. It is hard to see the big picture and not be stuck in the muck and mire of daily living and realize that maybe; just maybe you are doing something right as the parents to your kids.I had a moment like that today. TD was playing with her dollhouse, something I bought for her with such great expectations at Christmastime and one of those toys that did not hit the mark. As she set up the house and played with the dolls, I heard her say, "It's OK. What seems to be the problem? Oh, well, if something is broken, that is OK. Just tell me and we'll try to fix it together." It seems small but it was in that quiet moment that I realized she is actually listening and learning to what we have … [Read more...]
If Life Was a Movie It Would Be Funny
If it was a movie it would be funny. You would watch it play out on the screen and think, "Oh my God! What more could happen to this family in such a short period of time?" The on-screen family would bumble through the mess and we would all laugh as we munch our salty, sweet snacks and guzzle gallons of soda. As it is I just tell myself, "It could be worse. Just roll with it." It started with the car being totaled and the need to replace it with another car payment, er car. At this point we were all atwtitter with the money I would be making from last month's work and how this would help with new things for the baby (it's a girl!), paying bills and saving. Ah, relief and answered prayers had come just in time. Then the water heater died and flooded our basement. We laughed a bit … [Read more...]
Two Kids, One Mom and a Junk Yard
"Um..yeah, if you could just pick up the plates and EZ-pass at the collision place tomorrow that would be great....." I have now succeeded in making H sound like Lumbergh. I asked him if there were any other items in the car and he said, "Maybe a box. That's it." So I went to the collision place that offers cash for junk cars today- eesh. On top of going to the grocery store, trying to get some work done- blogging and otherwise, building a volcano, calling the cable company, insurance company, doing laundry and cleaning the house. I'm leaving this week for a business trip and there is loads to do before I head out on Wednesday. I feel like I'm forgetting something. Right! The kids. I also made sure they didn't run in traffic, burn themselves on a hot stove, fight each other to the … [Read more...]