Happy Valentine’s Day!

I could so easily turn this into some saptastic post about how much I love Valentines Day.  I do.  Bite me, about the commercialization.  It's my Dad's birthday (say 'Happy Birthday!' to my Dad, Internets!) and I just love sending Valentines to people. I'm a dork, I know. Go ahead and say it.  Plus, red is my favorite color.  I could fill you in on all the non-crafty craft projects I've done with my kids that include giving them heart post-it's because I'm that lame.  You want a craft kid?  Here! It's paper that sticks to things!  Here's a red nub of a crayon. Have it!  Isn't this fun, huh?  Heh.  There are hearts.  There are flowers.  There's even candy. Now above the fridge because some two year-old felt it … [Read more...]

A D-MER Survivor Speaks

I don't often venture into the arena of breast-feeding.  It's a twisted, hugely opinionated topic that has many pieces to it.  To me the topic itself is a largely personal issue that I don't think can be labeled as just either "Feeders" and "Non-Feeders".  I have nursed all three of my children, but differently each time and for differing reasons with each child as well.  It's like those ubiquitous Facebook descriptions for a wide array of relationship statuses that can only be labeled as, "It's Complicated".  I don't like to openly go on and on on regarding my feelings towards breast-feeding precisely for these reasons- it's complicated and personal for each and every mother/child combination. I don't expect anyone else to agree or understand the … [Read more...]

The Letter K

This month should be brought to you by the letter 'K'.  It started with worksheets, then checklists arriving home in TD's tote.  Is your child ready for the big K?  Emails piled up regarding orientations, question and answer forums and registration for the upcoming year.TD talks about it on an almost daily basis.  When will she be ready to ride the big, yellow bus?  When she turns five in two weeks will she be going right then and there?Are you ready for the big K?K I N D E R G A R T E NWhen did she get so big?  When I started this blog (just one of those insanely banal family only blogs, mind you) back in 2005 she was but a being in my belly.  Kicking me non-stop as I sat my desk estimating widget costs and arguing with engineers about hardware … [Read more...]

The Sticky, Big Tape

What does it say about your day when it starts with a line like this-"Mommy!  The Comedian has tape stuck all over her body!  The sticky, big tape that comes from the office!"OY.And with an eye barely cracked open I glanced over the edge of the bed where sure enough The Comedian was wrapped in packing tape from head to toe.  It wasn't even 7:30 in the morning.  … [Read more...]

The Parents Have Left the Building

Cross-posted and archived from DC Metro Moms.  Original post date December 28, 2007.  I find this post fascinating now about three years later. My family is closer geographically and things aren't like this so much anymore. It is inevitable that the holidays bring not only massive doses of overindulging of food, gifts, food and ah yes, family time. Don't get me wrong, I love it. I really do. I love having all the family over to our house for the holidays. They get to see the tot open up gift after gift and I even love the winding up to the holiday/family time. What I don't love is the unsolicited advice. I know it is well-meaning. I know it is meant to be helpful too. I also know that it will grate my nerves and that I must brace myself for it with each visit. I know that I will be … [Read more...]

Detachable Penis

Scene:  The breakfast table.  It is barely 8 a.m. and I am working on my first cup of coffee.  T.D. sits across the table from me.  The Fifth Element is in my arms.TD:  "Mom?  How did The Fifth Element get in your tummy?"V:  "What?  Oh, you mean how did I have The Fifth Element?"TD:  "Noooo.... How did The Fifth Element get IN your tummy?"  V:  (Nervous smile, shooting eyes heavenward, thinking, "It is too early! Where is H when I need him?!")  "Eeehh, in my tummy. Right.  Well...." Swig coffee likes it is bourbon.  And then I said the thing I swore I would never say because it is so cliched and so cheesy and as H put it 'wildly inaccurate because any two incestuous rednecks can make a baby!"  I … [Read more...]

Momma. Sad.

It was midnight. I had been in bed for two hours and still no sleep could be found.  The house was dark and still but I tossed and turned. My mind a frenzy with negative thoughts that circled around like thick, black ropes.  I climbed out of bed and went to the den downstairs to lay on the couch.I texted E.  "Can you chat?"  A few minutes later she responded.  I had already spent a good half hour in the fetal position crying in the darkened den, feeling half crazed.  I needed my best friend.  Everything was too much.  The house, the kids, the noise, the mess, everything. Days earlier I had gone balls to the wall insane (like Ms. Piggy karate-chop insane) on a pile of boxes that had taken up a month long residence in our bedroom.  I was ready to … [Read more...]

Trying Your Best

Thanksgiving brought us to the Tot Trot nearby. TD was originally nervous and full of performance anxiety but H and I let her know that all she had to do was try her best. After all, that is what we did in the adult Turkey Trot earlier that morning. It wasn't about winning at all.Well, it's not always about winning, but sometimes it can be.  When did she get so big? … [Read more...]

Tell Me It Is Worth It

It's a busy here. Actually, when isn't it busy here?  I've got three kids under five.  One of which does all of the following and more in a single day-"Mom! The Comedian has food coloring!"  Yes, she did.  I entered the kitchen just as she was about to squeeze out drops of yellow food coloring onto the kitchen floor. Next to her feet was an uncorked bottle of wine she had also seized from the pantry. I don't know what kind of party she had in mind but I wasn't down with it.  That same day she clogged the upstairs bathroom with toilet paper and then proceeded to take all the paper out and throw it on the bathroom walls.  Before I even got to that I had to pick up an unopened box of ob tampons that were all over the bathroom floor and in the tub.  The … [Read more...]

The Comedian Turns Two

The last year.  Where did it go? I try to think back and all I see is a haze of pregnancy and randomness.  Now, here we are, celebrating the fact that already The Comedian is two.  I said to H the other day, "It seems like she should be older.  Must be that second kid thing."  Or the fact that she can scale walls like Spiderman, makes H want to put up concertina wire over our balcony, is stealthy as the Invisible Man and can leap tall pieces of furniture in a single bound.  The other night she climbed the coffee table, then her chair and jump off the top of it into her seat all with a single, "Heeyah!" sound.  It was actually quite beautiful.  The grace, the swift, solid movement.  She could be a circus performer, I think.She's clever, … [Read more...]