Let the New Year Begin

When you buy a peanut butter chocolate pie it just looks so divine. So tasty. You cannot wait to dip your fork into it and savor every bite.You have no idea the pie will meets its end like this-You think you are so civilized and then you spend New Year's with old college friends and you realize that despite owning the home, having the 2.5 kids and a dog you still end up like this on New Year's. H and co-conspirator in the pie demise, Jen. So much for keeping it simple. It took an entire day to clean that kitchen up and I'm sure there is still bits of pie stuck to some surface or other. … [Read more...]

Yeah, Because You Want My Two Cents

The following is a January 10, 2008 blog post that just feels right to post again. Have a safe, happy, healthy new year Internets! I for one, am keeping it simple this year. I'm not looking to spend time with the police again this year or getting bail money for a certain loved one from an ATM stationed in a high stakes poker room.See sign above? Yup. Really nothing more needs to be said but sometimes I find myself in conversations with people who talk as if they have no control over their lives. It baffles me. I'm not saying I'm some life coach or guru of sorts. Far be it from me to dispense any real advice but uh... I'm about to. Why? Because when I hear people talk like this I get mad. Damn mad. So mad I think of this scene from Network.Your life is your own. Yours. You have to live it … [Read more...]

How to Have the Best Christmas EVER!

1. Begin by ignoring the pain that has begun in your left breast. Instead, press on with your night of gift wrapping and your Master Plan. Then realize that it's Christmas Eve and everything closes early but it's too late. You are already out driving around looking for that perfect cup of joe. Which seems can now only be made at the hands of a gas station employee. Who doesn't know how to make a latte to save his life. Throw in a squirrely looking old lady behind the counter making sandwiches and the evil eye and you have the start of your night. 2. Make comments throughout the night about the pain in your chest but continue to ignore it while you wait up for company and fight your body's urge to curl up into the fetal position. Pop two Tylenol instead and finally head to bed about … [Read more...]

Back in the Saddle Again, Almost

The annoyance at Christmas music should have been my first clue. I wanted to rip the radio out of the wall each time I heard 'Jingle Bells'. 'It's Beginning to Look Like Christmas' seemed overly sarcastic in its tone and suddenly made me cringe instead of smile with content. The throwing away of many Christmas goodies was the second clue. It was time to start working out again. Time to start clearing my brain before I became hostile. Actually, it was a bit too late for becoming hostile. How about overly hostile? Throw in nearly 70 degree temps outside and it became a no-brainer. The sky was a deep steel grey that threatened rain at any moment and the warm wind whipped around in a damp breeze that might make others stay inside. Not me though, I was bound and determined from the time … [Read more...]

The Master Plan

My parents have decided to come for Christmas. We are overjoyed. No, really we actually are overjoyed. You just can't feel my holiday goodness coming through the WiFi. They will be arriving very late and stay up I must. Plus, there's that whole Santa thing going on at our house now and I actually have to stay up and wrap gifts and place them lovingly under the tree. So I've concocted this "Master Plan" on how I will stay up late. I'm wicked smot. At precisely 8 or 9 p.m. - see nothing is actually precise in my world anymore- I will jaunt out to SBUX land and fill myself with commercialized Christmas wonder (ever notice how it is all red, white and green in there?) and stock up on the necessary supplies to get me through the night. Originally, I thought I would only purchase a … [Read more...]

Overheards- The Gross Out Edition

H and I were having a bit of a chat last night and I asked him what some line was from the film 'In Bruges' that I thought was so funny. He recited it and I made the comment that, "Yeah, that one guy in it just never meets a good end in any movie he's in. I mean he falls from the tower and lands with a splat and then there's 'Gangs of New York' where he just gets brained in the barber shop with his own club. Sick!"H: Thanks for all that nice mental imagery before I go to bed and head off to dreamland. Why don't you call me tomorrow at lunch time and tell me all about your first period. How's that?Me: Oh. Sorry. Yeah, that type of stuff just doesn't bother me, does it? Yet, I was strangely disgusted by Krusty the Clown going into the wood chipper on The Simpson's today. Weird. … [Read more...]

Yeah, I’m That Anal

I woke up at five this morning and not because Dash Two (she really needs a better name now. We're just waiting for some personality besides pooping to come through.) woke me up. I was thinking about the furniture in our den and sighing with the stress of it all. Why?Because the new couch is being delivered today and that old stuff needed to be moved out "NOW!" my brain screamed. I knew it was all still laying about down there sucking up precious new couch space (seats nine!) and I wanted it gone. "NOW!", my brain screamed again. Did I dare wake up and move the couch, coffee table, baby swing and chair myself? Along with all of TD's toys? Or should I wait until a more normal hour losing precious furniture moving seconds and enlist H to help me? I couldn't sleep from the sheer … [Read more...]

Beer Me

"This is your beer Mommy. This is your beer. You sip it. Just sip it." TD holds out her Itty Bitty baby's sippy cup to me. It's just over a thimble full. I check the clock and it states that it is only 11 a.m. The question to ask is: Do I start drinking now if my kid gives me permission? I tell her thank you and she states, "Now, you don't have to share with Daddy."She's generous and smart. … [Read more...]

Christmas Came Early

Santa came to our house early this year. He brought three things with him. All for me.1. Ankles! Folks, I can see my ankles and there are bones in them! No more puffy feet either. I have huge feet but I love them and my bony ankles and I'm so happy to have them back!!2. A new couch. Words cannot express how much I love this microfiber, eco-friendly stain resistant object. It's contemporary, new and yet to be touched by dog butt or toddler hands. Oh yeah, that's because it won't be delivered until Friday.3. PANTS! Glorious pants! My post-TD pants were lost but now found along with a slew of others from last year. While they don't all fit- the bigger ones do and they are not maternity pants! I tried on a few pairs this morning and voila! They fit! I screamed, "This is the best day ever!" … [Read more...]

Random Questions #195- The Holiday Edition

Yes, it is 65 degrees and sunny but 'tis the holidays and all that good stuff so let's begin with the Random Questions shall we?1. What's your favorite holiday song? I have a few - Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree, Wonderful Christmas Time (my all time fave actually. I dig Linda's Jazz hands) and Jingle Bell Rock. Pretty secular, n'est pas?2. Is there a holiday tradition that you have or had with your family now or in the past that you simply must do each year?H and I like to run around the house yelling, "Christmas Time!!!" while throwing our arms in the air above our heads. This year TD has begun to do it. Once one person starts it we just keep going. Pretty corny, I know but it stems from us being alone one Christmas with no family and we were feeling no holiday love so we did … [Read more...]