I will admit that being pregnant makes me insecure. It brings out the bad side in my body image issues. Post-birth it is even worse. Just before Dash Two was born H made the remark, "Oh great! You're going to get all obsessed and into your bad body image issues in a few weeks again. I hated that stage."Um.. yeah. Me too.Here's the really bad part. Combined with the whole "I hate that I don't fit into my pants yet" stage and "Damn it! I want to go running! Can I just stop bleeding already?!" I so miss the gym and the feeling of being free while on a good run, music pumping in my ears, sweat covering me and getting into a zone. I need that right now, bad. I get jealous of H for being able to do that. In fact, each time he mentions he is going to the gym I visibly flinch and curse … [Read more...]
Have You Seen My Marbles?
Yeah... soo... I'm officially insane. All cracked out. Incredibly dumb even. I bought Christmas cards. And the stamps to go with them. I actually created and ordered these things and really thought- "Yeah, sure, I'll have time to do these." Um.. when? When I'm pumping and trying not to fall asleep? At the 1:30 a.m. or 4:30 a.m. feeding? How about while I'm answering TD's 800 questions while feeding Dash Two and trying to make dinner? I have another hand to stuff those envelopes I'm sure of it! Hm.. so many choices I don't know if I can possibly decide. I just have so much free time on my hands.Hey wait! Maybe, I'll make H do them this year! So instead of talking to his Fantasy Football BFF's he can address envelopes and make some fudge while he's at it. Maybe he can even pick up … [Read more...]
One Step Closer to the ‘Burbs Way of Life
I feel as if I've been initiated one step further into the whole parenthood thing this weekend. We did the whole mall Santa thing. H & I were convinced the guy would be reminiscent of 'A Christmas Story's' (and can I just say, I identify with the father of this film a bit too much.) Santa or the incredibly scrawny guy we see at the tree farm each year but nope, this guy was pretty legit.What was disconcerting, besides the line and vacant glazed over looks all the parents possessed, was the freakin' options for photos. Sure, you could use your own camera but you had to make a minimum purchase. These were no Polaroid shots either. No, Santa's village, which came complete with two dreary looking "elf" helpers, (don't call them Santa's helpers or Elves for the love of God! The death ray … [Read more...]
Grandma Scares Me
My first holiday with H and his family was one I'll never forget. It was Thanksgiving 2001 and we traveled to Arizona to spend a few days. It's where I learned that my spouses family is REALLY into games too. True, I had a taste of it on a ski trip we had taken a few years previous. But, I had chalked all those games of domino's and Monopoly up to the fact that it was freezing and snowy outside and not everyone wanted to be a ski bunny 24/7. What else was there to do but raid the rented chalet's game closet, right?! Me? No, I'm not much a of a game person myself. I'm an only child. We don't 'do' games that well. Every Christmas I would get board games for gifts and look at my relatives like they had three heads. "Thanks so much! Who the hell is going to play this with me? My four … [Read more...]
Sleep is My Precious
I was all set to post about well erm.. nothing... I am a zombie. A tired zombie of a woman with bags under her eyes the size of Arkansas. And I was getting a nap. Then TD decided to not nap today and woke me up with her chirpy in your face voice just as I was drifting off. The one day I got both kids to nap at the same time since Dash Two was born. My whole body hurts I'm so freakin' tired and now I could or actually am just tearing up thinking about my lost sleep. It's either cry or just hurl things in rage.I hate everyone who is getting sleep right now. I curse them. Oh yeah... I was going to post about holiday goodness and blah, blah, blah. Seriously? Who cares. My black heart doesn't despite ordering cheerful cards today. I'm too pissy from exhaustion to think about the holidays … [Read more...]
The tree is up. Half the lights don't work this year so decorations are being put off for a bit. If I have to say, "No! Don't touch that!" one more time I might go insane. I think the Grinch has visited me this year in the form of sleep deprivation. I almost committed 'cellular homicide' this morning. Meaning, H kept hitting the snooze button on his cell phone's alarm and I was mere seconds from grabbing it and smashing it into electronic bits. After being up every two hours all night and having only one more hour of sleep before TD woke up with her million question quota to fulfill I was not about to lose one precious second of sleep. All I want to consume is an obscene amount of chocolate and coffee. And maybe some marshmallows covered in salty caramel (William Sonoma is the devil … [Read more...]
Paging Gordon Gekko
Apparently the people over at Modern Alchemy and Bloomingdales did not get the message about the global recession. Nope, just in time for the holidays they have introduced their Seven Deadly Sins candles.Who doesn't want the oh-so-necessary Pride and Gluttony candle to adorn their soon-to-be foreclosed on mantle? You can light up that Envy candle as you watch your neighbors without the sub-prime mortgage stay toasty warm this holiday season too. Perhaps you can be a touch evil and give that Envy candle as a not so subtle gift to those who can't even afford food and are going to be going to the under-stocked food pantries this winter. Ooh watch out for that Wrath candle when it gets hurled at your head because someone just realized that your dumb ass just spent $45 on each of these inane … [Read more...]
Quick! Has Hell Frozen Over Already?
Dammit! Here I was all set to enjoy Thanksgiving this week but it looks like it will be canceled now that the apocalypse is upon us. That's right folks. The less than dynamic duo, Speidi, has tied the knot. All holy hell has broken loose and the world is about to end.Or maybe just for Heidi.I could make jokes about how they probably registered at Guns and Ammo but I'll just say this-Heidi,Keep your Bolt House and Mtv money to yourself even if it is California and you have to split things 50/50 later. Find a friend who isn't afraid of that creepy guy you just eloped with and make amends with your family. You'll need them later too. And now I'll go back to dreaming about the cornbread dressing I'll be eating in just mere days and wiping the drool off my keyboard. … [Read more...]
Don’t Mind the Sign of The Pox on Our Door
Because our house should be quarantined right now I bring you the "I'm Thankful For" edition of The Mummy Chronicles early this year. It's the week of the Turkey anyway, right? I'm not that blitzed out on Afrin and other cold meds to be a total mess.I'm thankful for my family who has taken care of TD, Dash Two, H and I for about a week now. I'm still dealing with this 'ferocious beast' of a head cold and so is TD. I have been sent to bed to while away the day (Grey's Anatomy via laptop anyone?) while my parents tackle the following things. -A cleaned humidifier to circulate healthy air in our El sicko abode. Thanks Dad!-Numerous trips to the store for cold and food supplies by both parents.-One clean tea kettle that looks brand new. I confess I had no idea it was that dirty. … [Read more...]
Yup. It’s the One About My Labor
3:30 a.m.- Crikey! I have to pee again. I'm glad I'm being induced today so I won't have to deal with this whole shuffling to the bathroom thing much longer. Huh. That's weird. I don't think I'm supposed to be bleeding. Or uh... Oh... having contractions?! Is this labor? Holy crap! I'm in labor!I waddle back to our bedroom and tell H, "Hey, so I um.. think we should go to the hospital earlier than planned. I'm in labor or so it seems."Then I do what any rightly thinking woman does and proceed to shower, put on make up, blow dry and straighten my hair and finish packing my bag. The contractions are mild so when else will I have this much time to devote to my looks in the near future, am I right?Then I make H stop at Dunkin' Donuts and then I make us both wait in the car for a half … [Read more...]