Darth Vader Has a Baby

I'm dealing with a nasty head cold over here (thanks preschool!) and about halfway through Dash Two's labor I looked at H and said, "It's sort of sounds like Darth Vader is having a baby over in this room doesn't it?" He agreed that my heavy breathing combined with my super-fine looks created by the oxygen mask that got slapped on my face with no reason given that yes, I did look and sound a bit like the Dark Sided one.And now... some pictures....Swollen and puffy with a head cold. That's how I like to go into labor.Totally worth it though. May I present Dash Two! Born November 17 at 4:46 p.m. All 7 lbs, 6 ounces and 19.5 inches of her. TD is already trying to get her little "kicker" to play toys with her. I'm just hoping she doesn't get this dreadful cold.I'll give you all the gory … [Read more...]

Sarah and Vicky Go to New York City

Hello!I'm not Vicky. I am Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah. I'm just filling in while Vicky is in the hospital having a baby. I don't know if I am supposed to spill the beans or not, so I won't give any details away but it is fair to say that congratualions are in order for the whole Mummy Chronicles family.When Vicky asked me to guest post while she had this baby, my first thought was to write about my birth story. Then I started thinking about what I would write and let's be honest, it wasn't a pretty day. Yes, I got two lovely children out of the deal but I also got a blood transfusion so unless you are some sort of hematology buff you would probably rather talk about something less disgusting.I thought we could talk about something that is both amusing and possibly embarassing for our … [Read more...]

What’s for Dinner?

I just devoured a plate of mozzarella cheese sticks. Sshh... TD has no idea. In the oven is a batch of mac n' cheese that will be our lunch. Yeah, it's organic and all but still. It's carbs and butter and more carbs. All cheesy goodness. If I decide to throw in a side of veggies its just to ease some guilt in the child rearing department.I look at this meal and I think, "So why on earth do people think my house is so hard to cook for?" The subject came up at last nights GNO because on our street we cook for anyone who has had surgery, a hard time or a new baby. It's about a weeks worth of food and everyone is assigned a night to bring it by and ease the burden of thinking, "Crap! I'm covered in breast milk and up to my ears in diapers and now I have to think about what's for dinner?!" It's … [Read more...]

You Know What I’m Excited About?

I can almost set my clock by that refrain. For the last few weeks H ends the day by saying, "You know what I'm excited about (insert source of future excitement here.)" and it's usually while I'm brushing my teeth or pulling back the covers. It can range from having Dash Two finally be here in our home to what the man is going to have for dinner the next day or even "relations" with the wife sans baby bump.Well you know what I'm excited about?1. Guzzling SBUX lattes with wild abandon. Have to start using all those gift cards people keep giving me for more than just apple bran muffins and lemon pound cake. Mm... lemon pound cake.2. Being able to tie my own shoes, put on socks or even underwear and pants without almost falling over or needing assistance. TD should not be used for balance … [Read more...]

Fashion Forward? No, Thanks.

Bwwwaaahahaahaa! And you thought that the days of floral leggings that make your legs look like they may have some new form of VD were long gone. Surprise!Look at these beauties! Yup. They're baaaack!All for the bargain price of $80 too. I think I owned a pair of these in the 80s or early 90s. I've blocked it out. They flatter no one and Contempo Casuals went out of business long ago. Oh, but wait! There's more... you can own some spiffy white ones with cooking utensils plastered on them as well. Because who doesn't want to own printed leggings with whisks on their ass. In other news, Graco has launched a podcast featuring me. It's all a bit embarrassing listening to me ramble about preparing for a second baby but if you are clamoring to hear my voice- go for it.If you are in the mood … [Read more...]

WTF Monday

In order to save you from further posts about my sleepless nights, annoyance at no induction date and pregnancy quirks I leave you with this-A 90-year-old woman, who seemed completely with it, is found to be living with the bodies of her siblings- possibly since the 1980s. Seriously. WTF?! My world is altered forever now. Gary Busey is considered "must watch" television. It goes beyond all sorts of crazy. My brain throws up on itself and then explodes each time I think of it much less view this show. I am willing to admit however that his "Buseyism" for the word sober is pretty brilliant. TD is way into the music on the pack 'n play we have set up in our living room now. I find myself continuously serenaded by staticky classical tunes that never seem to end. Tiny Gary Busey's dance … [Read more...]

Basic Emotions 101

Anger- The overwhelming feeling I had when I heard that the totally less than dynamic duo Speidi might be doing a cameo on one of my favorite shows, 'How I Met Your Mother'. AUGH! That banging sound is none other than Neil Patrick Harris slamming his head repeatedly against a sound stage wall as he watches his show succumb to total crapdom. I might have to just stop watching. Are they trying to take over the world (no shame! they have no shame in these photos!) one tiny step at a time or what? I thought the music videos were torture enough. Joy- I'm gettin' paaaiid! Seems after some help from a blogging friend and a bit of nutting up on my part, the company I was working with has decided to send their final check for services rendered-at last. Sweet Victory is mine! Well, it will … [Read more...]

How to Beg a Midwife for an Induction

And completely fail.Apparently, unbeknown to moi, you can't be induced until about 39 weeks. I would like to know what all this talk about me going in at 38 weeks was then. To say that I'm pissy today is an understatement. According to the midwife I seem, "a bit depressed." I think angry is more the demonic emotion I'm looking for. No matter what I said it was chalked up to depression and I was given new pre-natals with DHA in them, which supposedly help combat depression. Seriously. NOW?! WTF.Then she told me to take a ton of evening primrose oil (I think - BUNK! Total BUNK!) and have a lot of sex. Like every day. Because yeah, my swollen self with it's half numb legs and cankles really wants to have super uncomfortable sex which only brings on contractions that make me cry. When I told … [Read more...]

A Public Service Announcement from the Tiny Dictator

Obsess much? Oh yes, she does. TD has taken a strong liking to one particular candidate. So much so that two weeks ago when the back of Obama's head (the back!) was on the cover of Newsweek she said, "Is that Barack Obama?" If TV time is desperately needed (I am nine months large after all) and nothing kid-friendly is on? She will happily watch the 24/7 paid advertisement the Obama campaign is running here in our state. She knows his voice from a radio spot and can pick him out no matter where she is. She might even have a career in politics if we could get that hair under control. She is already placing blame on the runner up in our house, the dog Lex. Today, she claimed, "Lex peed on my bed last night." Sounds like a Watergate style break-in in the making despite the dog having … [Read more...]

Elections Bring Out the Weird in People

Have you heard the one about the guy who went behind his wife's back and named his new baby girl, Sarah McCain Palin? Don't even think about it, H. So not cool. This guy was a bit surprised too when his wife wasn't fully on board with the idea too.Stephen Colbert (ah, secret crush. OK. Not so secret.) reported on this the other night and made the comment that newborns can happen to look like John McCain.I can see it. All bald and such and falls asleep in various places. But name them after him?If that is the case, then lots of babies should be named after former President Bill Clinton. He falls asleep everywhere!Asleep at the MLK awards.Taking a quick nap at Ronald Reagan's Memorial service.And just for the hell of it because his days are numbered. A little pre-Halloween scare for you … [Read more...]