Good Enough to Be Enough

In the past I have struggled hard to find a balance between work and life.  I continuously felt that if I wasn’t working my wheels were spinning out of control.  My control over my work load and how much work I was doing defined me.  At least I thought that  it did and I even thought that I wanted it too.  Yes, I took joy in the time I was home for only 3 days in one month while six months pregnant with my third child.  Maybe it was that I used to hate my work and it was often just a j-o-b.  The last few years weren’t like that and it was all new and exciting and I just wanted more.  Like a sponge I wanted to soak up as much as I could. 

Then 2012 happened and it was like a giant hand just knocked me on my ass. Or as I like to think of it, God just bitched slapped me and handed me my walking papers.  The year was full of erosion and incredibly defining moments that left me breathless and broken.  The pain that churned inside me ruined me for a while.  The death of loved ones in both my family and my circle of friends created a bubble of grief that I couldn’t pop.  There were health scares that sent me on endless rounds of inconclusive doctor visits.  There was the realization that we weren’t getting through to our youngest in the way she needed.  The Fifth Element is such a gift.  A surprise package that ended up being a puzzle, a series of complex locks really, that we needed a new set of parenting keys to unlock.  There was just too much. 

I needed to change. Life needed to change.  The talks between H and I about allowing less in our schedules were not working because we were still all crazy.  I decided at some point in January (oh, you dark, gray, broody month. you are such a time for introspection.) to just stop.  To keep up my new mantra, which is still working like gangbusters, by the way.  To work less and just “be” more.  

My friend Elena has a whole blog devoted to Just.Be.Enough.  When you look at her blog header it is like saying a prayer.

Appreciate

Heal

Acceptance

Balance

Self

Cherish

YES! All of that “YES!”  It goes so well with what I knew we needed and my soul was craving.  It hasn’t been easy but I like to think that last weekend, a weekend where we rejoiced in soccer being canceled and we took two walks as a family, spent time on the playground and hung out on our deck in the amazing light and sunshine that made Saturday so spectacular was a culmination of months working in this new perspective.  I like to think we are on our way to getting the hang of this whole “being enough” idea.  The house was calm.  We read the paper. We woke up Monday recharged and ready to tackle the week instead of feeling like we never got off the hamster wheel.  It was enough.  It was good enough in the most wonderful way.

I am learning.  I am loving this new road that has me appreciating so much.  It feels like I am flying down a newly found running path in just the right amount of sun and wind.  I am truly believing in what Elsa Walsh says when she states, “For a woman to say she is searching for a “good enough” life is not failure — it is maturity and self-knowledge.” 

It is what my soul craves. It is what works for our family.  Like a mantra we just need to keep repeating it.